Vacation again :) Because we go so often ya know... :)
We are back in Tennessee. Yeah! We've been looking forward to this for months. The last 4 weeks have been sooooooo long. But we are here and relaxing. We are staying with Daniel and Laura Meadow again. It's so good to see them! We are kind of having a stay-cation only in TN. We are just staying in, eating together and hanging out. Laura just had a baby a month ago so we knew this kind of schedule would be good for them too.
So far it's been really uneventful but today Laura and I are going to attempt to go grocery shopping with the kiddos so it could be interesting... More later.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Bullies
May I just say, bullying sucks. I was bullied pretty badly as a child and teenager and I still deal with the consequences. I still hear their voices in my head telling me I'm fat, ugly, stupid, or just not worth common courtesy.
One thing that I've been thinking about lately is how much life changes after high school. Whoever said that it's the best years of our lives was delusional. I see pics/status's on FB and some people have dramatically changed. I am definitely one that is changing. One of the main things I was teased about growing up was my weight. Like, because I was heavy, I didn't have feelings or worth.
Sometimes, I feel like I want to go to those bullies after I've lost the weight and shove it in their faces but I know that wouldn't do any good. Most days, I just want an apology. I want them to admit they were wrong and acknowledge that they hurt me incredibly day in and day out for many years. I want them to tell me it was wrong and they don't make people feel like that anymore. Some days I even want to make them feel like I felt but that usually doesn't last long because I know that no one should be made to feel like I did. No One. Not even the relentless, cruel bullies that pick on the vulnerable ones. Those that make others feel absolutely worthless so they can feel a bit better about themselves.
Bullying is ugly. I've got more to say about this but not tonight. We'll see when it comes out again...
One thing that I've been thinking about lately is how much life changes after high school. Whoever said that it's the best years of our lives was delusional. I see pics/status's on FB and some people have dramatically changed. I am definitely one that is changing. One of the main things I was teased about growing up was my weight. Like, because I was heavy, I didn't have feelings or worth.
Sometimes, I feel like I want to go to those bullies after I've lost the weight and shove it in their faces but I know that wouldn't do any good. Most days, I just want an apology. I want them to admit they were wrong and acknowledge that they hurt me incredibly day in and day out for many years. I want them to tell me it was wrong and they don't make people feel like that anymore. Some days I even want to make them feel like I felt but that usually doesn't last long because I know that no one should be made to feel like I did. No One. Not even the relentless, cruel bullies that pick on the vulnerable ones. Those that make others feel absolutely worthless so they can feel a bit better about themselves.
Bullying is ugly. I've got more to say about this but not tonight. We'll see when it comes out again...
running
All my life I've hated running. I dreaded the mile run every year (several times a year) in gym class and always sucked at it. So why am I running now?
That's right. I'm running as part of my exercise. I'm actually training for a 5k in October! Yesterday I ran 2 miles total. One mile was all in a row. The other mile was split into 2- 1/2 mile stretches. I haven't run a mile since my freshman year of high school and this was much faster. MUCH!
I'm going to tell you something kind of embarrassing... I dream of running and I have for years. Weird huh? I dream of running (pretty) fast and seeing the countryside. I thoroughly enjoy it too.
It's hard to believe that I might someday actually enjoy running. I don't mind it now... but I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it. I hope that by the 12:1 Run in October that I'll enjoy it more. But right now I'm proud of myself for running at all! Can't believe it... after all these years.
That's right. I'm running as part of my exercise. I'm actually training for a 5k in October! Yesterday I ran 2 miles total. One mile was all in a row. The other mile was split into 2- 1/2 mile stretches. I haven't run a mile since my freshman year of high school and this was much faster. MUCH!
I'm going to tell you something kind of embarrassing... I dream of running and I have for years. Weird huh? I dream of running (pretty) fast and seeing the countryside. I thoroughly enjoy it too.
It's hard to believe that I might someday actually enjoy running. I don't mind it now... but I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it. I hope that by the 12:1 Run in October that I'll enjoy it more. But right now I'm proud of myself for running at all! Can't believe it... after all these years.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
7 months later
7 months later...
I am finally getting back to those other changes I promised 7 months ago lol. Actually I don't really remember what other changes I was going to write about back then so I'll talk about the changes that are more recent.
After all the stress mentioned last post, leaving church, my grandmother dying, and losing my job, I was a mess for several months. I had to start working 3 nights a week and still am doing that actually. But with all the stress I put on 10 lbs without even thinking about it. In Febuary I decided this had to stop. I was just starting to diet when I got a call from the Burlington YMCA. They were offering a free 2 week trial. My good friend Ashley had just moved back to the area (love it!!!) and we went together. I ended up taking a discounted rate for 15 months instead of a free 2 weeks and I've been going ever since. I also went to my doctor and she's been great. The best thing she did for me was turn me on the an app called "myfitnesspal". I've been tracking all my food and it really helped me change my eating habits. I've been working out 4-5 days a week and have lost a grand total of...
52 pounds
I still have a long way to go but I feel great. I've not been this weight since I was 19 maybe 20 years old. I'm 3 lbs from the weight I was when I got married and 8 lbs from when I left my freshman year of college. I still need to lose 73 lbs to hit my ideal/healthy weight but I'm on my way. I have a goal of being 8 lbs less when we leave for vacation in 2 weeks but my average weekly weight loss has not been quite that much lately so we'll see. I still feel really good about what I've done so far. The next goal I have after vacation is running a 5k in October. It's the 12:1 run hosted by Harmony Bible Church which is where we are attending now. I feel it combines two passions of mine, providing clean water in the world and fitness goals. It's rare those kind of passions come together so I am thrilled. I have only run 1 mile recently and I am not training as hard as I should but I'm slowly working on it. I have figured out to walk to the highway before I start running and I do better. Running on gravel sucks because I constantly lose my rhythmn when the rocks move under my feet.
So this blog will probably include a lot my fitness stuff since that seems to be what my life revolves around right now. But I'm ok with that. I finally am being a good role model for my daughter and that's extremely important to me. That is a lot of what finally clicked for me. I don't want her to struggle with her weight like I did. I DO NOT want that for her. Bullies are so cruel and it's only gotten worse since I was in school. I admit I fear what bullies could do to her if she is a heavy child. I don't like parenting out of fear but it's something I deal with...
Other things going on right now... Dani starts kindergarten in the fall. I.CAN.NOT.BELIEVE.IT!!!!! She's my one and only. I'll never have a baby, toddler, or preschooler again. I am ok with it but I know I will miss her cuddles and dependance (somewhat) on me. I love watching her grow and change but I know I'll never experience that stage again so it's bittersweet.
She turned 5 on June 15. We had a Princess Tea Party that went over pretty well. The kids didn't quite buy into the concept but still had a lot of fun.
Church is going well. It's an adjustment going to a new church and one that's so big. We are slowly finding friends and our place. Dani still asks about her old class but that doesn't surprise me. She forgets nobody. She asks about people that she met once 2 years ago. Even though she asks about her old friends, she does enjoy her new class. She loved the AWANA class she took last year so she's excited for that to start again in the fall. We have a class we joined shortly after we started attending. It's called Global Life and is all about a the global mindset the gospel demands. We love the concept but have struggled to make relationships outside of the classroom. I think a lot of it is simply time. We came to Burlington First already knowing so many people that we just melted into old relationships. We've never had to go to a completely new place and start from scratch. We do know however, that we are in the right place so we trust relationships will come with time. I have a few ladies that I've gotten to know a little bit and I see some great potential in those friendships. However, in January my good friend Ashley moved back from FL so I've had my need for a friend pretty much met. I know I need to still cultivate other relationships but it certainly slowed my efforts to reach out to other women.
As I mentioned earlier I lost my job at our old church when we left and had to start working at the gas station 3 nights a week. It's worked out that our schedules have worked (for the most part) so we don't have to pay childcare but it's been hard on CJ and I because 3 days a week we literally don't see each other for more than 2-3 minutes. CJ will leave by 5:45am for work and gets off at 4. I clock in at the gas station at 4 so I take Dani and he picks her up from me and takes care of her that evening. I get off at 11(ish) and he's asleep when I get home. It's definatly not ideal but it's what God has provided. I even recently got a promotion to a part-time night manager. It has helped a bit with money but not much. I'm seeking out more responsiblities so I can negociate a bigger raise soon. CJ and I really miss each other through out the week but so far this is the job that God has provided even when we've prayed for something else. We just try to utilize the time we have and enjoy each others company when we're together.
CJ and I are REALLY looking forward to our vacation that's coming up in 2 weeks. We can't afford much but we are going to see our good friends Daniel and Laura Meadow in Erin, TN. We LOVE those two and really miss them! We really have no plans but to hang out and enjoy catching up. Laura recently had a baby so this will work for them too. :) A huge bonus to the vacation is that CJ and I will be together the whole week. We've tried to not let our jobs mess up our marrige and for the most part we've succeeded but we could definetely use the time together to reconnect. Especially after the next couple weeks. I'm having to work 4 days a week since the other managers have been taking their vacations and then they all have the 4 of July holidays they are taking. Since I'm part time I don't get paid vacations so I'm having to fill in when they are gone. It will be good for the checkbook (we took a huge paycut when I lost my job) but bad for family time.
As stressful as our work schedules have been the overall stress levels in our lives has decreased dramatically. It's sad but the stress we were under at our old church was huge. We didn't stay much longer than we felt God wanted, but the stress was still so much! At Harmony we don't feel we have to fight to do the things about which we are passionate. And even though Harmony has Baptist roots (it's nondenominational) we've heard more sermons about Holiness than ever. I love how our Pastor talks about it. It is so in line with what I believe about holiness and it's what I want Dani to learn as well. It's just been great. Not only have we had places to plug in and serve God in ways we're passionate about but we are getting wonderful/challenging preaching. We didn't know if we would get the preaching/teaching aspect when we left the Nazarene church. Honestly we didn't know what to expect but it's been so great to know we didn't lose but actually gained in that area.
Life is vastly different than the last time I blogged. As always I hope to blog again sooner rather than later but I'm done making that promise. :) I have a lot going on certainly but I do genuinely enjoy writing it down, so here's to hoping you can read about it soon :)
I am finally getting back to those other changes I promised 7 months ago lol. Actually I don't really remember what other changes I was going to write about back then so I'll talk about the changes that are more recent.
After all the stress mentioned last post, leaving church, my grandmother dying, and losing my job, I was a mess for several months. I had to start working 3 nights a week and still am doing that actually. But with all the stress I put on 10 lbs without even thinking about it. In Febuary I decided this had to stop. I was just starting to diet when I got a call from the Burlington YMCA. They were offering a free 2 week trial. My good friend Ashley had just moved back to the area (love it!!!) and we went together. I ended up taking a discounted rate for 15 months instead of a free 2 weeks and I've been going ever since. I also went to my doctor and she's been great. The best thing she did for me was turn me on the an app called "myfitnesspal". I've been tracking all my food and it really helped me change my eating habits. I've been working out 4-5 days a week and have lost a grand total of...
52 pounds
I still have a long way to go but I feel great. I've not been this weight since I was 19 maybe 20 years old. I'm 3 lbs from the weight I was when I got married and 8 lbs from when I left my freshman year of college. I still need to lose 73 lbs to hit my ideal/healthy weight but I'm on my way. I have a goal of being 8 lbs less when we leave for vacation in 2 weeks but my average weekly weight loss has not been quite that much lately so we'll see. I still feel really good about what I've done so far. The next goal I have after vacation is running a 5k in October. It's the 12:1 run hosted by Harmony Bible Church which is where we are attending now. I feel it combines two passions of mine, providing clean water in the world and fitness goals. It's rare those kind of passions come together so I am thrilled. I have only run 1 mile recently and I am not training as hard as I should but I'm slowly working on it. I have figured out to walk to the highway before I start running and I do better. Running on gravel sucks because I constantly lose my rhythmn when the rocks move under my feet.
So this blog will probably include a lot my fitness stuff since that seems to be what my life revolves around right now. But I'm ok with that. I finally am being a good role model for my daughter and that's extremely important to me. That is a lot of what finally clicked for me. I don't want her to struggle with her weight like I did. I DO NOT want that for her. Bullies are so cruel and it's only gotten worse since I was in school. I admit I fear what bullies could do to her if she is a heavy child. I don't like parenting out of fear but it's something I deal with...
Other things going on right now... Dani starts kindergarten in the fall. I.CAN.NOT.BELIEVE.IT!!!!! She's my one and only. I'll never have a baby, toddler, or preschooler again. I am ok with it but I know I will miss her cuddles and dependance (somewhat) on me. I love watching her grow and change but I know I'll never experience that stage again so it's bittersweet.
She turned 5 on June 15. We had a Princess Tea Party that went over pretty well. The kids didn't quite buy into the concept but still had a lot of fun.
Church is going well. It's an adjustment going to a new church and one that's so big. We are slowly finding friends and our place. Dani still asks about her old class but that doesn't surprise me. She forgets nobody. She asks about people that she met once 2 years ago. Even though she asks about her old friends, she does enjoy her new class. She loved the AWANA class she took last year so she's excited for that to start again in the fall. We have a class we joined shortly after we started attending. It's called Global Life and is all about a the global mindset the gospel demands. We love the concept but have struggled to make relationships outside of the classroom. I think a lot of it is simply time. We came to Burlington First already knowing so many people that we just melted into old relationships. We've never had to go to a completely new place and start from scratch. We do know however, that we are in the right place so we trust relationships will come with time. I have a few ladies that I've gotten to know a little bit and I see some great potential in those friendships. However, in January my good friend Ashley moved back from FL so I've had my need for a friend pretty much met. I know I need to still cultivate other relationships but it certainly slowed my efforts to reach out to other women.
As I mentioned earlier I lost my job at our old church when we left and had to start working at the gas station 3 nights a week. It's worked out that our schedules have worked (for the most part) so we don't have to pay childcare but it's been hard on CJ and I because 3 days a week we literally don't see each other for more than 2-3 minutes. CJ will leave by 5:45am for work and gets off at 4. I clock in at the gas station at 4 so I take Dani and he picks her up from me and takes care of her that evening. I get off at 11(ish) and he's asleep when I get home. It's definatly not ideal but it's what God has provided. I even recently got a promotion to a part-time night manager. It has helped a bit with money but not much. I'm seeking out more responsiblities so I can negociate a bigger raise soon. CJ and I really miss each other through out the week but so far this is the job that God has provided even when we've prayed for something else. We just try to utilize the time we have and enjoy each others company when we're together.
CJ and I are REALLY looking forward to our vacation that's coming up in 2 weeks. We can't afford much but we are going to see our good friends Daniel and Laura Meadow in Erin, TN. We LOVE those two and really miss them! We really have no plans but to hang out and enjoy catching up. Laura recently had a baby so this will work for them too. :) A huge bonus to the vacation is that CJ and I will be together the whole week. We've tried to not let our jobs mess up our marrige and for the most part we've succeeded but we could definetely use the time together to reconnect. Especially after the next couple weeks. I'm having to work 4 days a week since the other managers have been taking their vacations and then they all have the 4 of July holidays they are taking. Since I'm part time I don't get paid vacations so I'm having to fill in when they are gone. It will be good for the checkbook (we took a huge paycut when I lost my job) but bad for family time.
As stressful as our work schedules have been the overall stress levels in our lives has decreased dramatically. It's sad but the stress we were under at our old church was huge. We didn't stay much longer than we felt God wanted, but the stress was still so much! At Harmony we don't feel we have to fight to do the things about which we are passionate. And even though Harmony has Baptist roots (it's nondenominational) we've heard more sermons about Holiness than ever. I love how our Pastor talks about it. It is so in line with what I believe about holiness and it's what I want Dani to learn as well. It's just been great. Not only have we had places to plug in and serve God in ways we're passionate about but we are getting wonderful/challenging preaching. We didn't know if we would get the preaching/teaching aspect when we left the Nazarene church. Honestly we didn't know what to expect but it's been so great to know we didn't lose but actually gained in that area.
Life is vastly different than the last time I blogged. As always I hope to blog again sooner rather than later but I'm done making that promise. :) I have a lot going on certainly but I do genuinely enjoy writing it down, so here's to hoping you can read about it soon :)
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Lots of changes
Obviously, I've not written in quite a while and I'm not even going to apologize this time :) There has been so much going on in my life that I just could express all my thoughts in words yet. Also, many things I WANTED to write about, just weren't something I want the whole world to read...
First big change, CJ and I have left our home church, Burlington First Church of the Nazarene. And because of that (somewhat because of that at least) I have lost my job as janitor. This decision has been a huge one that has taken a lot of my mental energy I would like to use for other things. (including blogging/journaling) One of the main reasons I've not written about this is because, I'm not going to publicly share the reasons why. There were conflicts and we disagreed with how things were being handled. We had felt God leading us to leave for awhile but my job held us there, so we wouldn't even truly consider it. Then there were the conflicts mentioned earlier and we knew God was "kicking us out". It was clear. It was very sad to leave. I grew up in that church. CJ and I were married there and Dani was dedicated there as well. So many memories...
Three weeks ago, my grandmother died. That, of course, was very hard. I've never lost a grandparent. It sucks. Although, my grandma was 96, sick and so ready to go home to the father of her children (he died before I was born) and her two children who went before her, it still sucked. I found out I'd lost my job one week and the next, she died. I had a very emotional two weeks to say the least. The visitation was extremely hard. I just didn't want to be there. There were very many well-meaning people who came to support me and my family but many of them asked about the church, why we left and if we were ok with it. I just couldn't deal. I didn't want to talk about it, I felt so betrayed and hurt. I just wanted to focus on Grandma. I pretty much avoided most everybody until I left. The funeral was good however. Hard, but good. I only really broke twice. Once when a conversation I had with her in the hospice house was mentioned (I didn't know that was coming) and when my cousin read the Christmas story. I know, I know, why did he read it? Let me explain... Every Christmas my Grandma made us read the Christmas story from Luke before we ever did anything else at our family's get-together. She made one of the 4 pastors/grandsons (depending on who was there) read it from her KJV red letter Bible. Every year we heard it, from the time we were babies. Never skipped it. Many of us cousins were talking at the visitation about how that's one our favorite memories of get-togethers and how we would miss that now that we probably would only see each other at reunions and such. We decided that we had to hear it one last time... I cried through the whole thing. My brother, Donnie, actually did her funeral. I admired him for it. I couldn't have done it. If you want to read a beautiful sermon about a wonderful woman here is a link to his blog where he posted the sermon in full. A few things changed as he read it but the content is pretty much identical.
There are many more things going on but those have been the two biggest changes/events lately. I'll blog more soon about others.
First big change, CJ and I have left our home church, Burlington First Church of the Nazarene. And because of that (somewhat because of that at least) I have lost my job as janitor. This decision has been a huge one that has taken a lot of my mental energy I would like to use for other things. (including blogging/journaling) One of the main reasons I've not written about this is because, I'm not going to publicly share the reasons why. There were conflicts and we disagreed with how things were being handled. We had felt God leading us to leave for awhile but my job held us there, so we wouldn't even truly consider it. Then there were the conflicts mentioned earlier and we knew God was "kicking us out". It was clear. It was very sad to leave. I grew up in that church. CJ and I were married there and Dani was dedicated there as well. So many memories...
Three weeks ago, my grandmother died. That, of course, was very hard. I've never lost a grandparent. It sucks. Although, my grandma was 96, sick and so ready to go home to the father of her children (he died before I was born) and her two children who went before her, it still sucked. I found out I'd lost my job one week and the next, she died. I had a very emotional two weeks to say the least. The visitation was extremely hard. I just didn't want to be there. There were very many well-meaning people who came to support me and my family but many of them asked about the church, why we left and if we were ok with it. I just couldn't deal. I didn't want to talk about it, I felt so betrayed and hurt. I just wanted to focus on Grandma. I pretty much avoided most everybody until I left. The funeral was good however. Hard, but good. I only really broke twice. Once when a conversation I had with her in the hospice house was mentioned (I didn't know that was coming) and when my cousin read the Christmas story. I know, I know, why did he read it? Let me explain... Every Christmas my Grandma made us read the Christmas story from Luke before we ever did anything else at our family's get-together. She made one of the 4 pastors/grandsons (depending on who was there) read it from her KJV red letter Bible. Every year we heard it, from the time we were babies. Never skipped it. Many of us cousins were talking at the visitation about how that's one our favorite memories of get-togethers and how we would miss that now that we probably would only see each other at reunions and such. We decided that we had to hear it one last time... I cried through the whole thing. My brother, Donnie, actually did her funeral. I admired him for it. I couldn't have done it. If you want to read a beautiful sermon about a wonderful woman here is a link to his blog where he posted the sermon in full. A few things changed as he read it but the content is pretty much identical.
There are many more things going on but those have been the two biggest changes/events lately. I'll blog more soon about others.
Monday, July 4, 2011
4th of July
Below is an article Greg Boyd wrote for Relevant magazine. You can find the original link here
I am thankful to live in a country that acknowledges people have rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” and that empowers citizens to influence how they are governed. I know how rare such freedom has been throughout history, and how costly it has been to acquire and protect. I’m also proud of many other ideals America stands for, such as the principle that all people are created equal (though, we’re obviously still in the process of living up to this one). So, I see no problem with an American Christian being patriotic.
At the same time, followers of Jesus need to be very careful. History shows us how easy it is for Christians to forget that the Kingdom Jesus came to establish is “not of this world” (John 18:36, TNIV). And it’s to His Kingdom we are to pledge our sole allegiance.
Throughout history we find Christians buying the age-old pagan lie that God uniquely favors their country, and their national enemies are God’s enemies. Believing that lie, patriotic Christians have tragically followed the orders of earthly rulers and marched into battle “for God and country,” rather than following the example of Jesus—who gave His life for the people who persecuted Him.
Ironically, in some cases the “enemies” Christians have slaughtered have been other patriotic Christians who happened to be born in other countries, or other parts of the same country. Few things have done more to discredit Christianity than the patriotic zeal with which Christians have participated in violence.
“Whoever claims to live in him,” John teaches us, “must live as Jesus did” (1 John 2:6). When we compromise our commitment to living and loving like Jesus, we’ve crossed the line between healthy and idolatrous patriotism. Jesus and Paul repeatedly command us to love, bless, pray for and do good to our enemies, and to never retaliate or resort to violence. It’s healthy to patriotically appreciate the positive aspects of our country and our form of government. But we’re putting that patriotism in front of God the moment our allegiance to our country motivates us to kill our enemies rather than to die for them. And anything in our lives that comes before God is idolatry.
The danger of idolatrous patriotism is not just about how we compromise our love for enemies. If we become too invested in our nation, we can forget our real citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 1:27) and our job is to live as ambassadors of Christ ( 2 Corinthians 5:20). Rather than manifesting the distinctive values of the Kingdom of God, we can begin to assume the ideals of our culture are Kingdom values.
I appreciate that America recognizes my rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” but there is nothing distinctly Kingdom about these rights. They’re nowhere to be found in the Bible. To the contrary, as a follower of Jesus I’m called to surrender my rights to life, liberty and happiness, and instead submit to the will of God. These rights are noble on a political level, but they can get in the way of my call to seek first the Kingdom. I’m grateful America extends these rights to people, for most countries throughout history have not. But my sole allegiance is to the heavenly Kingdom that calls me to surrender my rights. If I get too concerned with an earthly country that frees me to pursue my rights, my healthy patriotism becomes idolatrous. I’ve put my country’s ideals before God.
Along similar lines, history consistently shows when we forget we’re “foreigners” and “exiles” in this world, we can begin to associate our preferred form of government or politics too closely with the Kingdom of God. Here, too, it’s crucial we follow the example of Jesus.
Despite the fact that He lived in an age when plenty of political and nationalistic issues were being hotly debated, Jesus never displayed the slightest interest in such matters. He didn’t come to bring us a “new and improved” version of the Kingdom of the world. He came to inaugurate a Kingdom that is “not of this world.” It’s a Kingdom that is no more Israeli than it is Palestinian; no more American than it is Iraqi; and no more socialist than it is democratic. Instead, it’s a Kingdom that encompasses people from every nation and political persuasion, for it puts on display the “one new humanity” Jesus died to create (Ephesians 2:15). In this Kingdom, Paul declares, there is no longer any Jew or Greek (Galatians 3:27-29). In our Kingdom, all national, tribal, ethnic, gender, social and economic distinctions are insignificant.
So over the Fourth of July weekend—and all year—be appreciative of your country. Be patriotic. But make sure your patriotism pales in comparison to your sacrifice, commitment and allegiance to the Kingdom of God.
I am thankful to live in a country that acknowledges people have rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” and that empowers citizens to influence how they are governed. I know how rare such freedom has been throughout history, and how costly it has been to acquire and protect. I’m also proud of many other ideals America stands for, such as the principle that all people are created equal (though, we’re obviously still in the process of living up to this one). So, I see no problem with an American Christian being patriotic.
At the same time, followers of Jesus need to be very careful. History shows us how easy it is for Christians to forget that the Kingdom Jesus came to establish is “not of this world” (John 18:36, TNIV). And it’s to His Kingdom we are to pledge our sole allegiance.
Throughout history we find Christians buying the age-old pagan lie that God uniquely favors their country, and their national enemies are God’s enemies. Believing that lie, patriotic Christians have tragically followed the orders of earthly rulers and marched into battle “for God and country,” rather than following the example of Jesus—who gave His life for the people who persecuted Him.
Ironically, in some cases the “enemies” Christians have slaughtered have been other patriotic Christians who happened to be born in other countries, or other parts of the same country. Few things have done more to discredit Christianity than the patriotic zeal with which Christians have participated in violence.
“Whoever claims to live in him,” John teaches us, “must live as Jesus did” (1 John 2:6). When we compromise our commitment to living and loving like Jesus, we’ve crossed the line between healthy and idolatrous patriotism. Jesus and Paul repeatedly command us to love, bless, pray for and do good to our enemies, and to never retaliate or resort to violence. It’s healthy to patriotically appreciate the positive aspects of our country and our form of government. But we’re putting that patriotism in front of God the moment our allegiance to our country motivates us to kill our enemies rather than to die for them. And anything in our lives that comes before God is idolatry.
The danger of idolatrous patriotism is not just about how we compromise our love for enemies. If we become too invested in our nation, we can forget our real citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 1:27) and our job is to live as ambassadors of Christ ( 2 Corinthians 5:20). Rather than manifesting the distinctive values of the Kingdom of God, we can begin to assume the ideals of our culture are Kingdom values.
I appreciate that America recognizes my rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” but there is nothing distinctly Kingdom about these rights. They’re nowhere to be found in the Bible. To the contrary, as a follower of Jesus I’m called to surrender my rights to life, liberty and happiness, and instead submit to the will of God. These rights are noble on a political level, but they can get in the way of my call to seek first the Kingdom. I’m grateful America extends these rights to people, for most countries throughout history have not. But my sole allegiance is to the heavenly Kingdom that calls me to surrender my rights. If I get too concerned with an earthly country that frees me to pursue my rights, my healthy patriotism becomes idolatrous. I’ve put my country’s ideals before God.
Along similar lines, history consistently shows when we forget we’re “foreigners” and “exiles” in this world, we can begin to associate our preferred form of government or politics too closely with the Kingdom of God. Here, too, it’s crucial we follow the example of Jesus.
Despite the fact that He lived in an age when plenty of political and nationalistic issues were being hotly debated, Jesus never displayed the slightest interest in such matters. He didn’t come to bring us a “new and improved” version of the Kingdom of the world. He came to inaugurate a Kingdom that is “not of this world.” It’s a Kingdom that is no more Israeli than it is Palestinian; no more American than it is Iraqi; and no more socialist than it is democratic. Instead, it’s a Kingdom that encompasses people from every nation and political persuasion, for it puts on display the “one new humanity” Jesus died to create (Ephesians 2:15). In this Kingdom, Paul declares, there is no longer any Jew or Greek (Galatians 3:27-29). In our Kingdom, all national, tribal, ethnic, gender, social and economic distinctions are insignificant.
So over the Fourth of July weekend—and all year—be appreciative of your country. Be patriotic. But make sure your patriotism pales in comparison to your sacrifice, commitment and allegiance to the Kingdom of God.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Reflective
Honestly, I'm not sure what this blog entry is going to be about... I feel like I want to put my feelings to "paper" but I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm feeling...
I'm thinking about my life, the changes that have happened recently and not-so-recently and where we are headed.
I'm thinking about Dani, my spit-fire of a daughter that is asleep in the next room. I'm thinking about how Dani entering our life changed our future so dramatically. We moved back to Iowa (which we said we'd never do) we worry about money and we depend on my parents more than we ever did as newlyweds. However, we also sometimes just sit and marvel at this incredible human being that is in our lives. We laugh at the cute things she says and does. We feel a love for someone that is even more profound, deep and selfless than we have for each other. We learn about God's love by watching her through our own eyes.
I'm thinking about the love on my life, CJ. This past week I saw a side of him I haven't seen in years. His depression seemed to have lifted (thanks in no small part to an old friend) for a while to allow me to see the man I fell in love with 13 years ago. I saw his heart, sensitivity and kindness that I have missed for a very long time. Don't get me wrong, please. I love him even when I don't always see "the man I fell in love with". Even with his depression firmly in place (which for most that have chronic depression-it usually is) he is a man worthy of respect, love and admiration. I love him more today that I did 13, 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. The depression presents challenges but none that make me question that he is the man I want to wake up next to until the day I just don't wake up. He is faithful, loyal, honest, hardworking, forgiving, talented, and sexy. If the depression is something I have to deal with to be with him, that's ok with me. I'd rather deal with that than some issues I see friends deal with with their husbands or wives. He never gives me a moments hesitation that he is committed to me and our little girl. He never deliberately hurts those he loves and he is quick to say he's sorry for undeliberate hurts. I love him so much.
I'm thinking about our life now. The good and the bad. Our move from Olathe has had many ups and downs. We wouldn't trade our life in Olathe for anything for Dani's sake. She is close to all of her grandparents. She sees them regularly and receives so much love from them. I never had that. I was not close to my grandparents at all and I smile when I see my parents and in-laws love on Dani each time they see her. Moving was the best thing we could have done for Dani. For CJ and me however, it's been difficult. We left many friends, a vibrant and healthy church and a totally different lifestyle. We have yet to feel at home here in many ways.
I'm thinking about the future. Dani starts preschool in the fall-she's growing up so fast. Our views differ greatly from the church we attend and the gap just seems to be widening-will we still be there in 2 years? We still miss our closest friends-will we ever find friends as good as we had in Olathe? Dani's such a spitfire-what will she be like in 2, 10, 15 years? We've decided to avoid the heartache of more years of infertility-will we regret only having one child?
So many feelings running through my heart tonight.
I'm thinking about my life, the changes that have happened recently and not-so-recently and where we are headed.
I'm thinking about Dani, my spit-fire of a daughter that is asleep in the next room. I'm thinking about how Dani entering our life changed our future so dramatically. We moved back to Iowa (which we said we'd never do) we worry about money and we depend on my parents more than we ever did as newlyweds. However, we also sometimes just sit and marvel at this incredible human being that is in our lives. We laugh at the cute things she says and does. We feel a love for someone that is even more profound, deep and selfless than we have for each other. We learn about God's love by watching her through our own eyes.
I'm thinking about the love on my life, CJ. This past week I saw a side of him I haven't seen in years. His depression seemed to have lifted (thanks in no small part to an old friend) for a while to allow me to see the man I fell in love with 13 years ago. I saw his heart, sensitivity and kindness that I have missed for a very long time. Don't get me wrong, please. I love him even when I don't always see "the man I fell in love with". Even with his depression firmly in place (which for most that have chronic depression-it usually is) he is a man worthy of respect, love and admiration. I love him more today that I did 13, 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. The depression presents challenges but none that make me question that he is the man I want to wake up next to until the day I just don't wake up. He is faithful, loyal, honest, hardworking, forgiving, talented, and sexy. If the depression is something I have to deal with to be with him, that's ok with me. I'd rather deal with that than some issues I see friends deal with with their husbands or wives. He never gives me a moments hesitation that he is committed to me and our little girl. He never deliberately hurts those he loves and he is quick to say he's sorry for undeliberate hurts. I love him so much.
I'm thinking about our life now. The good and the bad. Our move from Olathe has had many ups and downs. We wouldn't trade our life in Olathe for anything for Dani's sake. She is close to all of her grandparents. She sees them regularly and receives so much love from them. I never had that. I was not close to my grandparents at all and I smile when I see my parents and in-laws love on Dani each time they see her. Moving was the best thing we could have done for Dani. For CJ and me however, it's been difficult. We left many friends, a vibrant and healthy church and a totally different lifestyle. We have yet to feel at home here in many ways.
I'm thinking about the future. Dani starts preschool in the fall-she's growing up so fast. Our views differ greatly from the church we attend and the gap just seems to be widening-will we still be there in 2 years? We still miss our closest friends-will we ever find friends as good as we had in Olathe? Dani's such a spitfire-what will she be like in 2, 10, 15 years? We've decided to avoid the heartache of more years of infertility-will we regret only having one child?
So many feelings running through my heart tonight.
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