Well, the decision has been made. We are going to be a one child family. And I am completely fine and happy with the decision. Dani is amazing but we are happy with just her.
There are many, many, many reasons that went into making this decision. Just a few...
1)I had a horrible labor and c-section, one that I NEVER tell to new mothers because it's cruel and unusual punishment to do so. (well, maybe not but you get the drift) I went through bad postpartum depression and honestly, I don't want to live through any of those ever again.
2)We had a really hard time conceiving Dani. We tried for 5 years and they were years of heartache. We really don't want to go there again. I have a friend going through it now and it just breaks my heart all over again.
3)All my reasons in my "pro" list for having another baby are not because I actually want one. They are fears I have of Dani being an only child and the difficulties that may come to her because of it. Things like loneliness growing up and caring for aging parents alone. However, I've realized there are things we can do to help ease those concerns like making sure she has close relationships with friends and relatives, and taking financial responsibility for our own long term care.
4) Financially, we are just barely making it and we'd have to move to fit another child into our home.
5) I feel I'd be a better mom to Dani if I don't spread myself thinner than I am now. I want to change the world and therefore I try to volunteer my time. I feel either I'd have to stop volunteering and therefore not be the kind of example I want to be for my kids or I wouldn't spend the kind of time with my kids that they need.
6) We don't feel like anything is missing. We are happy and content with Dani.
When I first started contemplating whether we were done or not, I felt weird about my desire to have only one child. As if I was doing it "wrong" or something. I have quit trying to justify my decision and just accept the fact that it's our decision and as long as we both agree, it's just fine. There is no one right way to parent all children. All children are different, all parents are different. And with Dani's personality and my personality I feel being an only child will actually be better for her anyway.
I absolutely adore Dani. She's tied for the best thing that's ever happened to me (with CJ of course) She was absolutely worth the 5 years of heartache and the horrible labor and delivery. So now I'm going to raise her the best way I can.
And that is enough.
Showing posts with label mothering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothering. Show all posts
Friday, May 7, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Nothing new bout this
Well all, this really doesn't surprise me. I've always been up and down when it comes to journaling or anything like it (blogging) but I always come back. I like it too much. It feels good to get my feelings down in print. However, it also take a lot of energy for me so when I feel drained I tend to stop for awhile. Does it surprise anyone I usually stop around the holidays?
Anyway, lots of things are happening but the main themes of my life are pretty much the same. I still spend most of my time with Dani. She is talking more and more. Sentences are forming longer and longer. She's doing really well despite the fact she's sick right now. She has a nasty cold and is being treated for a sinus infection. We are also potty training her right now. She has her good days and bad days. Right now is bad. I think the newness has worn off and she just doesn't get the excitement from going like she used to. I also think she's lazy. She doesn't want to worry about it cuz it's easier to just go and let Mommy or Daddy change her diaper. Oh well. She comes by that kind of attitude naturally.
CJ is doing better than a month ago. We've been struggling with his depression for several months. It's gotten really bad again. So he's started going to counseling again and he just saw his doctor today about changing his meds. The counseling has already helped some but not enough. Hopefully the combination of changes will help more. He's also eating better and trying to exercise more. He's lost about 15-20 lbs so far I think. He's looking goo-od. Of course I've always thought he's the most beautiful man but now he's just more so.
Our Sunday School is going really well. We are studying a book by John Burke entitled "No Perfect People Allowed" It has sparked some great discussion and growth in those who are coming. Our class is still small but that's ok. I'm really trying to just focus on the growth of those in our class and not worry about numbers. I'm really excited about the next two chapters. Chapter 4 talks about creating a "culture" of vulnerability and then chapter 5 follows up with a culture of acceptance. Of course acceptance is key if people are going to be vulnerable. I really hope we can nurture that kind of culture in our own class. Of course, I'm learning that it starts with me. Especially the vulnerability part. I'm hoping after these two chapters we can take the time to put these two principals into action. Maybe a week of sharing and prayer. We'll have to see how it goes over. To see if people take it to heart. It'll be interesting to see but honestly, I totally see us embracing the vulnerability and acceptance. Those in class seem to be totally absorbing the new ideas ("new" meaning ancient words said by Jesus) talked about in the book. I'm so excited.
Lately, thing have been going well EXCEPT in the area of money. The last couple months have really sucked. We've had emergency room visit bills, multiple car bills (sizable ones), our furnace motor went bad and I've been sick and have missed work. I know I'm not writing about all the expenses but those are the big ones. To top it all off, we are trying to SAVE $500 by April because we owe the IRS. We didn't expect it but it would have been very doable if all these extra expenses hadn't come up. It's really hard. I generally don't worry. CJ worries enough for both of us, but lately I've really been struggling with it. Seriously, we just don't have the money for everything! I don't know how it's all going to work. I know, I know that God will provide but sometimes it's harder to trust that than others. Usually, I don't struggle with it too much but lately it just seems like it's coming from all sides and it just won't let up. I guess you could say I'm being vulnerable :)
Well I know there's a lot more I could say but I'm going to wrap it up for right now. More soon...
Anyway, lots of things are happening but the main themes of my life are pretty much the same. I still spend most of my time with Dani. She is talking more and more. Sentences are forming longer and longer. She's doing really well despite the fact she's sick right now. She has a nasty cold and is being treated for a sinus infection. We are also potty training her right now. She has her good days and bad days. Right now is bad. I think the newness has worn off and she just doesn't get the excitement from going like she used to. I also think she's lazy. She doesn't want to worry about it cuz it's easier to just go and let Mommy or Daddy change her diaper. Oh well. She comes by that kind of attitude naturally.
CJ is doing better than a month ago. We've been struggling with his depression for several months. It's gotten really bad again. So he's started going to counseling again and he just saw his doctor today about changing his meds. The counseling has already helped some but not enough. Hopefully the combination of changes will help more. He's also eating better and trying to exercise more. He's lost about 15-20 lbs so far I think. He's looking goo-od. Of course I've always thought he's the most beautiful man but now he's just more so.
Our Sunday School is going really well. We are studying a book by John Burke entitled "No Perfect People Allowed" It has sparked some great discussion and growth in those who are coming. Our class is still small but that's ok. I'm really trying to just focus on the growth of those in our class and not worry about numbers. I'm really excited about the next two chapters. Chapter 4 talks about creating a "culture" of vulnerability and then chapter 5 follows up with a culture of acceptance. Of course acceptance is key if people are going to be vulnerable. I really hope we can nurture that kind of culture in our own class. Of course, I'm learning that it starts with me. Especially the vulnerability part. I'm hoping after these two chapters we can take the time to put these two principals into action. Maybe a week of sharing and prayer. We'll have to see how it goes over. To see if people take it to heart. It'll be interesting to see but honestly, I totally see us embracing the vulnerability and acceptance. Those in class seem to be totally absorbing the new ideas ("new" meaning ancient words said by Jesus) talked about in the book. I'm so excited.
Lately, thing have been going well EXCEPT in the area of money. The last couple months have really sucked. We've had emergency room visit bills, multiple car bills (sizable ones), our furnace motor went bad and I've been sick and have missed work. I know I'm not writing about all the expenses but those are the big ones. To top it all off, we are trying to SAVE $500 by April because we owe the IRS. We didn't expect it but it would have been very doable if all these extra expenses hadn't come up. It's really hard. I generally don't worry. CJ worries enough for both of us, but lately I've really been struggling with it. Seriously, we just don't have the money for everything! I don't know how it's all going to work. I know, I know that God will provide but sometimes it's harder to trust that than others. Usually, I don't struggle with it too much but lately it just seems like it's coming from all sides and it just won't let up. I guess you could say I'm being vulnerable :)
Well I know there's a lot more I could say but I'm going to wrap it up for right now. More soon...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Back to Reality
Well, vacation is over and life is stressful again. This kinda sucks. Let me back up.
CJ, Dani and I all went on vacation to Minneapolis, MN. We visited Ashley and Joshua Vance who just took their first pastorate position. It was nice to go on vacation, not have to pay for lodging and yet not have to fit in a million people (like when we go to KC). We still were pretty busy seeing everything but we had time to just lounge around and enjoy each other's company too. Minneapolis is a really beautiful city. Just wish we'd have been there a month ago when all the leaves were still on the trees. Oh well, we had record breaking high temps while we were there. Can't get much better than that.
We are back to our regular life here. I worked Tuesday (we got back Monday) and CJ went back to work today. He worked a 13 hour day just trying to get his department back to rights. I hope his bosses noticed how big of a difference it makes when he is gone. His dept was pretty crappy and looks MUCH better now.
Dani is really testing her boundaries since we got back. I don't know why but she's battling like crazy. Her favorite fits are now about getting dressed and bedtime. Plus a lot of little things throughout the day and boy does it add up. I had to stop today and apologize cuz I was being too harsh. I was in a bad mood cuz I was sick of fighting her but at this time I was the one being too demanding and mean. It was heartbreaking to me. I really stopped and looked in her eyes as I was yelling and she was so sad that I was talking to her that way. She looked so confused and upset. I'm tearing up now as I talk about it. I guess I didn't ruin everything cuz once I stopped and took a breath she went straight into my arms and let me apologize. I think this is the first time I've had to do this. At least to this degree. Poor thing.
Life is back to (pretty much) normal. Yipee!
CJ, Dani and I all went on vacation to Minneapolis, MN. We visited Ashley and Joshua Vance who just took their first pastorate position. It was nice to go on vacation, not have to pay for lodging and yet not have to fit in a million people (like when we go to KC). We still were pretty busy seeing everything but we had time to just lounge around and enjoy each other's company too. Minneapolis is a really beautiful city. Just wish we'd have been there a month ago when all the leaves were still on the trees. Oh well, we had record breaking high temps while we were there. Can't get much better than that.
We are back to our regular life here. I worked Tuesday (we got back Monday) and CJ went back to work today. He worked a 13 hour day just trying to get his department back to rights. I hope his bosses noticed how big of a difference it makes when he is gone. His dept was pretty crappy and looks MUCH better now.
Dani is really testing her boundaries since we got back. I don't know why but she's battling like crazy. Her favorite fits are now about getting dressed and bedtime. Plus a lot of little things throughout the day and boy does it add up. I had to stop today and apologize cuz I was being too harsh. I was in a bad mood cuz I was sick of fighting her but at this time I was the one being too demanding and mean. It was heartbreaking to me. I really stopped and looked in her eyes as I was yelling and she was so sad that I was talking to her that way. She looked so confused and upset. I'm tearing up now as I talk about it. I guess I didn't ruin everything cuz once I stopped and took a breath she went straight into my arms and let me apologize. I think this is the first time I've had to do this. At least to this degree. Poor thing.
Life is back to (pretty much) normal. Yipee!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Expectations
Friday night we all ("all"=CJ, Mom and Dad, Erin and Donnie and their friend, Andy)went to the lighted Christmas parade. I was the one that kind of pushed it because, lately, as we've been driving around town I'll hear behind me oohs and ahhs from Dani when she sees Christmas lights. I thought she'd love the parade. She was fine while we waited. She was a little frustrated because I had her on a harness cuz she kept wanting to run away but otherwise good. The first thing of the parade was a fire pickup that had it's lights flashing, I think it freaked her out. She started crying and squirming and then everything freaked her out after that. I don't know if it was the floats moving by her or the noise of the generators 0n the floats or what but she hated every float. She ended up burying her face in my mom's coat and eventually falling asleep.
Confession... instead of taking her and comforting her as a "good" mom should, when I saw her freaking out in CJ's arms I got frustrated. This is the third time something like this has happened. By "like this" I mean, we planned an outing that I thought she'd love and she hated or acted up.
The first was the rodeo parade. She got over stimulated by all the sirens in the beginning so she was skittish the whole time. And the bands, which I thought she'd love since she loves music, freaked her out the worst.
The second outing was to the pumpkin patch. First, CJ's family all backed out at the last minute so that already had me frustrated. Secondly, Dani was in a foul mood the whole time we were there. She literally screamed in protest every time I took the camera out. I got a few candids but nothing with her in front of a hay bale or corn stalks or ya know, any picturesque photos that you view in your head. She didn't want to do anything. She even threw down a "Dani" sized pumpkin I gave her. I literally left the pumpkin patch in tears.
The third outing was this parade. I really didn't think we could go wrong with this because she's been loving the Christmas lights lately and she isn't bothered by crowds. How could we go wrong right?
I know they say not to have expectations and you're probably thinking that I need to let them go but how can I? In the 5 years we tried to conceive, I used to dream about these moments and how they would look. I can't just throw that all away can I?
Am I the only one who this happens to?
Confession... instead of taking her and comforting her as a "good" mom should, when I saw her freaking out in CJ's arms I got frustrated. This is the third time something like this has happened. By "like this" I mean, we planned an outing that I thought she'd love and she hated or acted up.
The first was the rodeo parade. She got over stimulated by all the sirens in the beginning so she was skittish the whole time. And the bands, which I thought she'd love since she loves music, freaked her out the worst.
The second outing was to the pumpkin patch. First, CJ's family all backed out at the last minute so that already had me frustrated. Secondly, Dani was in a foul mood the whole time we were there. She literally screamed in protest every time I took the camera out. I got a few candids but nothing with her in front of a hay bale or corn stalks or ya know, any picturesque photos that you view in your head. She didn't want to do anything. She even threw down a "Dani" sized pumpkin I gave her. I literally left the pumpkin patch in tears.
The third outing was this parade. I really didn't think we could go wrong with this because she's been loving the Christmas lights lately and she isn't bothered by crowds. How could we go wrong right?
I know they say not to have expectations and you're probably thinking that I need to let them go but how can I? In the 5 years we tried to conceive, I used to dream about these moments and how they would look. I can't just throw that all away can I?
Am I the only one who this happens to?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
when your best isn't good enough
What do you do when your best doesn't cut it? Sure beats the heck out of me! As a mom I try hard, but I feel like I'm coming up short quite often. As a wife, I feel like I try hard, I work outside the home, I cook, I clean, and nothing is enough. I don't make enough money, I don't cook enough to avoid eating out and enough for leftovers, and the house still is a mess! Sometimes I feel like throwing up my hands and giving in to my selfish urges and just quit trying. However, I know that won't solve anything so I keep plugging along, forever behind.
Now if it were just me that this affected, I could handle it. However, it doesn't affect just me, if affects my whole family. Obviously, the parenting decisions I make affect Dani a lot and the house and cooking really, really affect CJ as a messy house and money spent eating out stress him out a ton. So what do I do? Do I cut out the time I set aside to care for myself? Should I sacrifice my "down-time" to work on the house, therefore having a cleaner house (and a happier husband) but a more haggard life? Or do I just keep plugging away and hope things get better?
Is there a solution or is this going to always be my life until we're empty nesters? (what a depressing thought)
Now if it were just me that this affected, I could handle it. However, it doesn't affect just me, if affects my whole family. Obviously, the parenting decisions I make affect Dani a lot and the house and cooking really, really affect CJ as a messy house and money spent eating out stress him out a ton. So what do I do? Do I cut out the time I set aside to care for myself? Should I sacrifice my "down-time" to work on the house, therefore having a cleaner house (and a happier husband) but a more haggard life? Or do I just keep plugging away and hope things get better?
Is there a solution or is this going to always be my life until we're empty nesters? (what a depressing thought)
Friday, September 19, 2008
my limit
Yesterday was a bad day! In fact this whole week has been awful. The thing that I admire most about CJ's work ethic (how he will do what needs to be done and work hard until it's finished) has caused me to be alone with a sick, cranky baby most of the week. He has a big project at work that will be finished this weekend. I knew this week was coming for awhile but I did not know that Dani would be cranky and clingy the whole time.
Yesterday, CJ was supposed to be off at 1 and didn't get off until 5. During the day, I never got a break from Dani. The first nap she took, I ended up falling asleep so I never got the chance to just relax, recoup, and get ready for the next go 'round. The second nap she took as soon as she was down I went to town to get my hair cut and she was awake before I got back. I know that doesn't sound like much to you guys that are reading this, but before you write me off as dramatic let me tell you something. I NEED those times. If I don't get a chance to relax during naps, I am not nearly as good a mom as I need to be, especially to a sick child. Having someone demand your attention every minute they are awake is the most draining thing I've ever experienced. I can handle it if I get a break. If not, I will hit a wall very quickly. Well, I hit one last night. Luckily, we were able to find someone to watch Dani for us, so CJ and I went to dinner and walked around the mall a bit. It wasn't as much as I wanted but it was enough to hopefully get me through the rest of the week until CJ can be home more regularly, and hopefully, Dani will start feeling better.
If I can handle next week ok, with CJ being home in the evenings and Dani (hopefully) feeling better than I will get the recoup I need next weekend. My mother-in-law left a message with CJ saying they can take Dani next weekend on Saturday and Sunday!!
I love my daughter so much it hurts sometimes but I am not one of those moms who wants to be with her kids 24/7. I need a break. A time to replenish myself so I can be the best mom I can be. I used to feel guilty about that, but I have quit worrying about it. I am who I am and that's ok. If other moms can do it, that's great but I refuse to think I am any less of a great mom than them anymore! (Sometimes I wish this my type of personality was portrayed more in parenting magazines and other types of media more often. Surely, I'm not the only one with this personality)
Yesterday, CJ was supposed to be off at 1 and didn't get off until 5. During the day, I never got a break from Dani. The first nap she took, I ended up falling asleep so I never got the chance to just relax, recoup, and get ready for the next go 'round. The second nap she took as soon as she was down I went to town to get my hair cut and she was awake before I got back. I know that doesn't sound like much to you guys that are reading this, but before you write me off as dramatic let me tell you something. I NEED those times. If I don't get a chance to relax during naps, I am not nearly as good a mom as I need to be, especially to a sick child. Having someone demand your attention every minute they are awake is the most draining thing I've ever experienced. I can handle it if I get a break. If not, I will hit a wall very quickly. Well, I hit one last night. Luckily, we were able to find someone to watch Dani for us, so CJ and I went to dinner and walked around the mall a bit. It wasn't as much as I wanted but it was enough to hopefully get me through the rest of the week until CJ can be home more regularly, and hopefully, Dani will start feeling better.
If I can handle next week ok, with CJ being home in the evenings and Dani (hopefully) feeling better than I will get the recoup I need next weekend. My mother-in-law left a message with CJ saying they can take Dani next weekend on Saturday and Sunday!!
I love my daughter so much it hurts sometimes but I am not one of those moms who wants to be with her kids 24/7. I need a break. A time to replenish myself so I can be the best mom I can be. I used to feel guilty about that, but I have quit worrying about it. I am who I am and that's ok. If other moms can do it, that's great but I refuse to think I am any less of a great mom than them anymore! (Sometimes I wish this my type of personality was portrayed more in parenting magazines and other types of media more often. Surely, I'm not the only one with this personality)
Monday, September 8, 2008
moments
I have a sign on my wall that says "Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away". I know it's a little cheesy but today it feels true.
Dani can be really tough sometimes now that she's more independent. She is so independent that she fights me all day, every day, every week. It's rare to find a time that she isn't trying to do something herself or frustrated by those things she can't. I know independence can be a good trait to use later in life but for a toddler who is still learning boundaries, it's wearing on the mother.
But God seems to know when I need a "breath-taking" moment. I knew Dani was completely out so I peeked in on her during her nap just a minute ago. I love to see her sleeping cuz she always ends up in a different position and each one is adorable. Usually it's on her side or stomach but today she was facing the door, completely sprawled out on her back. Bear was right by her face and her arm was behind her head. There is no way I'm going to be able to describe to you how love seems to course through my being when I see her sleeping. But it's so strong it always, without fail, makes me cry. It's enough to keep me strong when I should be completely worn out.
Thank you God for the moments that keep me going when the going is tough.
Dani can be really tough sometimes now that she's more independent. She is so independent that she fights me all day, every day, every week. It's rare to find a time that she isn't trying to do something herself or frustrated by those things she can't. I know independence can be a good trait to use later in life but for a toddler who is still learning boundaries, it's wearing on the mother.
But God seems to know when I need a "breath-taking" moment. I knew Dani was completely out so I peeked in on her during her nap just a minute ago. I love to see her sleeping cuz she always ends up in a different position and each one is adorable. Usually it's on her side or stomach but today she was facing the door, completely sprawled out on her back. Bear was right by her face and her arm was behind her head. There is no way I'm going to be able to describe to you how love seems to course through my being when I see her sleeping. But it's so strong it always, without fail, makes me cry. It's enough to keep me strong when I should be completely worn out.
Thank you God for the moments that keep me going when the going is tough.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
as a mother
I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing sometimes as a mother. Right now I am sitting here trying to ignore my daughter as she is screaming at the top of her lungs in her crib. I made the mistake of going in and picking up her bear off the floor because she was having a terrible time going to sleep. She would nod off but then cry out because he wasn't with her. So I thought... "If I can just get in there and hand him to her she'll probably go right out" Um, no! She's been screaming ever since because I didn't get her out.
I make decisions everyday for Dani and CJ usually leaves most of them to me since I'm with her everyday, all day. Should we switch to milk now? How much mixed with formula? How fast do we replace the formula until it's all milk. What will she wear today? Does she need a bath today? Does she have an ear infection or is it just teething? Should we take her to the doctor or just wait another day? Is she ready for a nap? Why is she crying in her crib? Should go in or should we wait a bit and see if she goes to sleep? Why is she rejecting the food I'm giving her while signing she's wanting to eat? What should I feed her instead? Is she getting the right nutrition? Can she eat this size of bite or is it too big? and on and on and on. I seem to always the the decision maker whenever there is a question concerning Dani. I know, I know, I am with her all day and therefore probably know the answer better than anyone else but sometimes I get tired of always being responsible for someone else's well being. Why? Because usually I don't know more than anyone else! I'm just guessing too and if I make the wrong decision then everyone has to live with the consequences, including the innocent victim here, Dani. I know now why parents always feel guilty if their kids don't turn out "right". Because everyday the parents have probably felt like they've made wrong decisions and now those kids are "proving" them right.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and husband!! I love them so much some days it hurts. But when I hear women gush about how they love being a mom and it is the best thing they've ever done and how they wouldn't change it for the world, I wonder if I'm the only one who feels completely inadequate and tired out by it all. Caring for a husband and child everyday of your life is hard! I know that CJ is not another child to care for and he doesn't make me to feel that way (most of the time) but he needs love and care just like I do. The difference is he hasn't been already doing that all day when he gets home. I know, I know, he's been working all day but that's usually a physical tiredness. What I'm talking about is a emotional exhaustion. Like, you have nothing more to give, you're just waiting for Saturday so maybe Mom can take Dani for a couple hours and then you find out she can't so you get no break and you have no idea when you're going to be able rejuvinate but you continue to love your family like they need. So you run on empty for days, just doing the best you can. Then you make stupid decisions like going in a picking up the darn bear. Let me tell ya, listening to your daughter cry for you is the most draining thing ever. But when you're rung dry, what's left anyway?
I make decisions everyday for Dani and CJ usually leaves most of them to me since I'm with her everyday, all day. Should we switch to milk now? How much mixed with formula? How fast do we replace the formula until it's all milk. What will she wear today? Does she need a bath today? Does she have an ear infection or is it just teething? Should we take her to the doctor or just wait another day? Is she ready for a nap? Why is she crying in her crib? Should go in or should we wait a bit and see if she goes to sleep? Why is she rejecting the food I'm giving her while signing she's wanting to eat? What should I feed her instead? Is she getting the right nutrition? Can she eat this size of bite or is it too big? and on and on and on. I seem to always the the decision maker whenever there is a question concerning Dani. I know, I know, I am with her all day and therefore probably know the answer better than anyone else but sometimes I get tired of always being responsible for someone else's well being. Why? Because usually I don't know more than anyone else! I'm just guessing too and if I make the wrong decision then everyone has to live with the consequences, including the innocent victim here, Dani. I know now why parents always feel guilty if their kids don't turn out "right". Because everyday the parents have probably felt like they've made wrong decisions and now those kids are "proving" them right.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and husband!! I love them so much some days it hurts. But when I hear women gush about how they love being a mom and it is the best thing they've ever done and how they wouldn't change it for the world, I wonder if I'm the only one who feels completely inadequate and tired out by it all. Caring for a husband and child everyday of your life is hard! I know that CJ is not another child to care for and he doesn't make me to feel that way (most of the time) but he needs love and care just like I do. The difference is he hasn't been already doing that all day when he gets home. I know, I know, he's been working all day but that's usually a physical tiredness. What I'm talking about is a emotional exhaustion. Like, you have nothing more to give, you're just waiting for Saturday so maybe Mom can take Dani for a couple hours and then you find out she can't so you get no break and you have no idea when you're going to be able rejuvinate but you continue to love your family like they need. So you run on empty for days, just doing the best you can. Then you make stupid decisions like going in a picking up the darn bear. Let me tell ya, listening to your daughter cry for you is the most draining thing ever. But when you're rung dry, what's left anyway?
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