Well, the decision has been made. We are going to be a one child family. And I am completely fine and happy with the decision. Dani is amazing but we are happy with just her.
There are many, many, many reasons that went into making this decision. Just a few...
1)I had a horrible labor and c-section, one that I NEVER tell to new mothers because it's cruel and unusual punishment to do so. (well, maybe not but you get the drift) I went through bad postpartum depression and honestly, I don't want to live through any of those ever again.
2)We had a really hard time conceiving Dani. We tried for 5 years and they were years of heartache. We really don't want to go there again. I have a friend going through it now and it just breaks my heart all over again.
3)All my reasons in my "pro" list for having another baby are not because I actually want one. They are fears I have of Dani being an only child and the difficulties that may come to her because of it. Things like loneliness growing up and caring for aging parents alone. However, I've realized there are things we can do to help ease those concerns like making sure she has close relationships with friends and relatives, and taking financial responsibility for our own long term care.
4) Financially, we are just barely making it and we'd have to move to fit another child into our home.
5) I feel I'd be a better mom to Dani if I don't spread myself thinner than I am now. I want to change the world and therefore I try to volunteer my time. I feel either I'd have to stop volunteering and therefore not be the kind of example I want to be for my kids or I wouldn't spend the kind of time with my kids that they need.
6) We don't feel like anything is missing. We are happy and content with Dani.
When I first started contemplating whether we were done or not, I felt weird about my desire to have only one child. As if I was doing it "wrong" or something. I have quit trying to justify my decision and just accept the fact that it's our decision and as long as we both agree, it's just fine. There is no one right way to parent all children. All children are different, all parents are different. And with Dani's personality and my personality I feel being an only child will actually be better for her anyway.
I absolutely adore Dani. She's tied for the best thing that's ever happened to me (with CJ of course) She was absolutely worth the 5 years of heartache and the horrible labor and delivery. So now I'm going to raise her the best way I can.
And that is enough.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
VACATION!!!!!!!!
Yeah!!!! CJ and I have made plans for our first real vacation in 10 years! The last one being our honeymoon. It's going to be our 10 year anniversary this June and we really wanted to do something. It's been a really tough year money-wise, Murphy has been our constant companion but we've been able to scrape up enough to make this vacation happen. We're going to Wisconsin Dells for 3 days/2 nights and then to Minneapolis, MN to visit our friends Josh and Ashley Vance for 3 days/3 nights. (Can't wait to meet their new baby boy, Elake)
I found a motel on TripAdvisor.com. It's rated #1 in value and customer satisfaction in the Wisconsin Dells area. We got a whirlpool room, with a private balcony over the pool and a king sized bed for $85 a night! Yeah! They also have rooms with multiple rooms and kitchens for about the same price. They have several really nice, new playgrounds and grills that we can use. Plus a heated outdoor pool, an indoor pool and 2 hot tubs. We've decided if we like this place then we'll bring Dani here for our next vacation.
I read all the reviews for this place! At least back till 2007 or so and I only saw 3 bad reviews. All of them had a reply from the owner (it's family owned, has been since it opened) and he basically told them they should have called to let them know of their problems (they keep records of all calls and complaints, there was none for these people) and he would have either fixed it or given the a FULL REFUND! He even offered to give them a refund now. Seriously? I was shocked. There were probably about 5 reviews that gave descriptions of problems they'd had and they were ALL satisfied with how it was fixed, quickly! One person described how their fridge didn't close properly and the manager was there within 5 minutes and when he couldn't repair it, he had a new one brought to them in 15 minutes. That's awesome. All the rooms have been remodeled over the last 3 years and the beds, I've heard, are to die for. They put some big money into all new Sealy beds. Can't wait to sleep on them!
It's definately a motel, not a huge resort like so many of the hotels there in the Dells, but we don't need that. I think every single review said the place was unbelievably clean even before the rooms were remodeled and everything was old. Plus, the rooms are supposed to be really big, even the suites with multiple rooms. All I need is a quiet spot to relax with my hubby. It's on the edge of town so it's not surrounded by noise and traffic but it's just a couple blocks from the downtown area with all the restaurants and shops. It's sounds perfect!
Anyway, I'm just excited, can you tell? I have no idea what I'm going to do without Dani for 6 days but I know she's in good hands. Grandma Lynn and Mimi (my mom) are going to watch her for us. It'll be really good for CJ and I to have this time together. Plus it'll be great to see Josh and Ashley. We saw them in November but that's too long ago. I'm going through Ashley withdrawal. :)
Happy (almost) 10 years Baby!!!
I found a motel on TripAdvisor.com. It's rated #1 in value and customer satisfaction in the Wisconsin Dells area. We got a whirlpool room, with a private balcony over the pool and a king sized bed for $85 a night! Yeah! They also have rooms with multiple rooms and kitchens for about the same price. They have several really nice, new playgrounds and grills that we can use. Plus a heated outdoor pool, an indoor pool and 2 hot tubs. We've decided if we like this place then we'll bring Dani here for our next vacation.
I read all the reviews for this place! At least back till 2007 or so and I only saw 3 bad reviews. All of them had a reply from the owner (it's family owned, has been since it opened) and he basically told them they should have called to let them know of their problems (they keep records of all calls and complaints, there was none for these people) and he would have either fixed it or given the a FULL REFUND! He even offered to give them a refund now. Seriously? I was shocked. There were probably about 5 reviews that gave descriptions of problems they'd had and they were ALL satisfied with how it was fixed, quickly! One person described how their fridge didn't close properly and the manager was there within 5 minutes and when he couldn't repair it, he had a new one brought to them in 15 minutes. That's awesome. All the rooms have been remodeled over the last 3 years and the beds, I've heard, are to die for. They put some big money into all new Sealy beds. Can't wait to sleep on them!
It's definately a motel, not a huge resort like so many of the hotels there in the Dells, but we don't need that. I think every single review said the place was unbelievably clean even before the rooms were remodeled and everything was old. Plus, the rooms are supposed to be really big, even the suites with multiple rooms. All I need is a quiet spot to relax with my hubby. It's on the edge of town so it's not surrounded by noise and traffic but it's just a couple blocks from the downtown area with all the restaurants and shops. It's sounds perfect!
Anyway, I'm just excited, can you tell? I have no idea what I'm going to do without Dani for 6 days but I know she's in good hands. Grandma Lynn and Mimi (my mom) are going to watch her for us. It'll be really good for CJ and I to have this time together. Plus it'll be great to see Josh and Ashley. We saw them in November but that's too long ago. I'm going through Ashley withdrawal. :)
Happy (almost) 10 years Baby!!!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Angel Food Ministry report
This weekend marked the biggest weekend so far in our Angel Food Ministry. A family that we've been giving to since we started giving away boxes in November, came to our church for a baby shower we threw for them. It was so great. The whole family came, the couple of course, both grandmothers, and a sister in law. (the brother and grandfather were watching the kids)
For the past week, members of our congregation have been bringing gifts for the shower. We didn't make the shower open to all so we wouldn't overwhelm the family. But lots of people brought gifts even though they weren't coming to the shower. I was so excited by how many gifts the family got. They were overwhelmed by it all. They couldn't believe the church would give them so much stuff when they don't even attend. The family seemed so open to us.
One of the verses Angel Food tries to embody is Matthew 25:35 and 40. It says (Matthew 25:35) "For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited me in." When they challenged Jesus and asked when did they do this for their God, the answer is "To the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of mine, even the least of them, you did it to me (Matt 25:40)." I believe we are doing this through AF and I love it! I love it because I feel we are doing exactly what God wants us to. It feels good to be right in the center of his will and feel his blessings on what we're doing.
For the past week, members of our congregation have been bringing gifts for the shower. We didn't make the shower open to all so we wouldn't overwhelm the family. But lots of people brought gifts even though they weren't coming to the shower. I was so excited by how many gifts the family got. They were overwhelmed by it all. They couldn't believe the church would give them so much stuff when they don't even attend. The family seemed so open to us.
One of the verses Angel Food tries to embody is Matthew 25:35 and 40. It says (Matthew 25:35) "For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited me in." When they challenged Jesus and asked when did they do this for their God, the answer is "To the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of mine, even the least of them, you did it to me (Matt 25:40)." I believe we are doing this through AF and I love it! I love it because I feel we are doing exactly what God wants us to. It feels good to be right in the center of his will and feel his blessings on what we're doing.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Are leaders baseball umps or football refs?
I've been thinking about this for the past several weeks. How do we show respect to our leaders? Especially those leaders in church. Our national leaders are challenged, criticized, and spoken out about all the time. We can say whatever we want about them without feeling guilty and I believe this is a good thing. However, I think some people take this to the extreme (baby killer anyone?) But I believe this is still a good thing, I wouldn't take this away because a few abuse it.
However, how are we to treat our church leaders? I believe there are many factors that come into this. First and foremost, if we disagree we have to prayerfully consider our reactions because often times if we spend time in prayer, we may come to agree. The reasoning behind this is, leaders' words often are often designed to stretch and challenge us. So we may not automatically agree when we first hear it. And then if we still disagree, these leaders are usually our friends, not some far away leader in DC we never meet. So then do we approach them? Do we questions and/or challenge them?
I've had an analogy that has helped me form this question. Look at the difference between Baseball Umpires and Football Referees. Baseball umps are pretty much untouchable. They don't review their calls. What they say goes and if you get mad, they have the ability to throw you out. Football refs on the other hand, voluntarily review their own plays, and if they don't the coaches have the right to challenge them without penalties.
So are Pastors, Priests, the Pope, SS teachers, Board members, Deacons, (etc, etc) baseball umps or football umps. And do these very leaders agree with your conclusion?
However, how are we to treat our church leaders? I believe there are many factors that come into this. First and foremost, if we disagree we have to prayerfully consider our reactions because often times if we spend time in prayer, we may come to agree. The reasoning behind this is, leaders' words often are often designed to stretch and challenge us. So we may not automatically agree when we first hear it. And then if we still disagree, these leaders are usually our friends, not some far away leader in DC we never meet. So then do we approach them? Do we questions and/or challenge them?
I've had an analogy that has helped me form this question. Look at the difference between Baseball Umpires and Football Referees. Baseball umps are pretty much untouchable. They don't review their calls. What they say goes and if you get mad, they have the ability to throw you out. Football refs on the other hand, voluntarily review their own plays, and if they don't the coaches have the right to challenge them without penalties.
So are Pastors, Priests, the Pope, SS teachers, Board members, Deacons, (etc, etc) baseball umps or football umps. And do these very leaders agree with your conclusion?
"outside" memories
As the weather gets warmer and warmer, I've been thinking about some of my memories that I have of spending time outside. I consider myself very lucky. I grew up on a farm and had parents that allowed me to explore it by myself. (I'm not sure I could even give that much freedom to Dani) I remember going to the "back 40" of our land and exploring the timber. I would look for animal prints and would use my imagination to pretend I was exploring some other land. I never got bored and considering I explored the same land over and over that's saying something. I think it was because I played by myself so much that I had to develop my imagination. This is something I hope Dani has. I had a lot of fun using my imagination both inside and outside the house. Plus, it gave hours to Mom that she didn't have to entertain me. :)
So as the weather is getting warmer I'm hoping to take Dani outside and just let her walk around. Let her explore outside of our regular yard and hopefully develop a love of exploring like I have. Who knows maybe I'll start again, after all she's still to young to go alone...
So as the weather is getting warmer I'm hoping to take Dani outside and just let her walk around. Let her explore outside of our regular yard and hopefully develop a love of exploring like I have. Who knows maybe I'll start again, after all she's still to young to go alone...
Friday, March 19, 2010
Dani
Yesterday Dani had a super cute day so I had to tell you about it. First I have to give you a bit of background. Dani has been potty training for months now. She's pretty sporadic and inconsistent but if we try to push her, it's completely counterproductive. So we've been letting her set her own pace and just be thankful for the diapers we aren't having to change. Unfortunately, not one of those diapers avoided have been poopy diapers. She has absolutely refused to poop on the potty.
Yesterday, I was cleaning the church and CJ calls and tells me Dani has something to tell me. In her cute little voice I hear "I pooped" She had gone into the bathroom by herself and just sat down and went. She came out and told CJ about it. That's so like her. Just doing it on her own, not when someone is pushing her.
Then last night my friend Emily came over and we went to town to get movies and some stuff for dinner. Dani got into the kiddy cart at HyVee. The kind with the car in front. She loves to drive instead of sitting in the regular cart. So anyway, we are in the store for maybe 10 minutes and all of a sudden I hear Dani trying to get my attention. She's holding out a cell phone wanting me to have a turn "talking" on it. I have no idea how she got this phone! It was soooooo funny!
Yesterday, I was cleaning the church and CJ calls and tells me Dani has something to tell me. In her cute little voice I hear "I pooped" She had gone into the bathroom by herself and just sat down and went. She came out and told CJ about it. That's so like her. Just doing it on her own, not when someone is pushing her.
Then last night my friend Emily came over and we went to town to get movies and some stuff for dinner. Dani got into the kiddy cart at HyVee. The kind with the car in front. She loves to drive instead of sitting in the regular cart. So anyway, we are in the store for maybe 10 minutes and all of a sudden I hear Dani trying to get my attention. She's holding out a cell phone wanting me to have a turn "talking" on it. I have no idea how she got this phone! It was soooooo funny!
Friday, March 5, 2010
living with questions
I'm learning that I don't know more than I do know. I'm also learning that's ok. However, I'm so used to thinking I have to have the right answers in order to live right and not sin. If I don't know if something is right or wrong how can I know whether or not I can do it and still be ok in God's eyes? This is such a weird way of thinking however, it's the norm in church culture right now. We need pastors and teachers and even each other to tell us the right answers so we know the right way to live. Is smoking and drinking right or wrong? Is going to a bar ok? Is being gay a sin? Is being transgendered a sin? Is voting for a pro-choice candidate ok? Is capitalism good or bad? Is cussing a sin or just bad taste? Is speaking in tongues essential to being filled with the Holy Spirit or just a gift given to a select few? Should we be baptized as infants or after being "saved"? Etc etc etc. I think this is why there is so much division between different denominations. Even why there are different denominations to begin with. We feel we have to have all the answers nailed down and nailed down correctly. Questions aren't welcome. Uncertainty is to be avoided at all cost.
Right now I'm dealing with the questions of homosexuality. Right now I still think it's sin. However, I'm not so certain that I will argue with anyone about it. There is more and more science showing how hormones and genes contribute to many having homosexual tendencies. I also know that external factors play a huge role as well. (Such as having overbearing mothers or absentee fathers) There seems to be even more science pointing towards genetic or hormonal causes in those who would call themselves transgendered. If a "male" embryo receives female hormones invitro that causes them to feel more female than male do we condemn them anyway? Would God? I don't know yet and maybe I never will. Is that bad? I'm learning more and more that the answer is no.
We don't have to have all the answers! God is the only one with knowledge of ALL things. Plus, with learning more and more that it's not all about knowing the right way to live (and therefore avoiding hell) and just living in the love and presence of Jesus right here, right now, I'm learning it's ok to be in process. To always be learning and reevaluating what I've always thought to be set in stone.
I think one of the most dangerous things a church can do is to refuse to question. We have a history of doing that and it isn't pretty. ESPECIALLY when it comes to science. Remember (in history books) when the church refused to believe that the solar system didn't revolve around the earth? This seems silly to us now but back then it was a HUGE deal! It seemed so central to what they believed about how God created us and the worlds around us. For a long time the church refused to reevaluate what they had translated the Bible to say in order to fit it to what science had proven.
Are we doing the same thing today? What about evolution? Most christians will agree that the creation story isn't literal (6 24 hr periods) After all, we all know the verse that says, a day is a thousand years and a thousand years is a day to God. So is it so unbelievable that God might have created that single cell organism on the first "day" and set the system of evolution in place? Would that mean that he didn't actually "create" all that we see? Actually I think it's even more impressive and cool than if it all happened in 6 days! What a creative God we have!
We just need to be careful I think, in the coming days. Questions and uncertainty (and science) are not our enemies. They help us understand and explore our amazing God!
Right now I'm dealing with the questions of homosexuality. Right now I still think it's sin. However, I'm not so certain that I will argue with anyone about it. There is more and more science showing how hormones and genes contribute to many having homosexual tendencies. I also know that external factors play a huge role as well. (Such as having overbearing mothers or absentee fathers) There seems to be even more science pointing towards genetic or hormonal causes in those who would call themselves transgendered. If a "male" embryo receives female hormones invitro that causes them to feel more female than male do we condemn them anyway? Would God? I don't know yet and maybe I never will. Is that bad? I'm learning more and more that the answer is no.
We don't have to have all the answers! God is the only one with knowledge of ALL things. Plus, with learning more and more that it's not all about knowing the right way to live (and therefore avoiding hell) and just living in the love and presence of Jesus right here, right now, I'm learning it's ok to be in process. To always be learning and reevaluating what I've always thought to be set in stone.
I think one of the most dangerous things a church can do is to refuse to question. We have a history of doing that and it isn't pretty. ESPECIALLY when it comes to science. Remember (in history books) when the church refused to believe that the solar system didn't revolve around the earth? This seems silly to us now but back then it was a HUGE deal! It seemed so central to what they believed about how God created us and the worlds around us. For a long time the church refused to reevaluate what they had translated the Bible to say in order to fit it to what science had proven.
Are we doing the same thing today? What about evolution? Most christians will agree that the creation story isn't literal (6 24 hr periods) After all, we all know the verse that says, a day is a thousand years and a thousand years is a day to God. So is it so unbelievable that God might have created that single cell organism on the first "day" and set the system of evolution in place? Would that mean that he didn't actually "create" all that we see? Actually I think it's even more impressive and cool than if it all happened in 6 days! What a creative God we have!
We just need to be careful I think, in the coming days. Questions and uncertainty (and science) are not our enemies. They help us understand and explore our amazing God!
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