Honestly, I'm not sure what this blog entry is going to be about... I feel like I want to put my feelings to "paper" but I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm feeling...
I'm thinking about my life, the changes that have happened recently and not-so-recently and where we are headed.
I'm thinking about Dani, my spit-fire of a daughter that is asleep in the next room. I'm thinking about how Dani entering our life changed our future so dramatically. We moved back to Iowa (which we said we'd never do) we worry about money and we depend on my parents more than we ever did as newlyweds. However, we also sometimes just sit and marvel at this incredible human being that is in our lives. We laugh at the cute things she says and does. We feel a love for someone that is even more profound, deep and selfless than we have for each other. We learn about God's love by watching her through our own eyes.
I'm thinking about the love on my life, CJ. This past week I saw a side of him I haven't seen in years. His depression seemed to have lifted (thanks in no small part to an old friend) for a while to allow me to see the man I fell in love with 13 years ago. I saw his heart, sensitivity and kindness that I have missed for a very long time. Don't get me wrong, please. I love him even when I don't always see "the man I fell in love with". Even with his depression firmly in place (which for most that have chronic depression-it usually is) he is a man worthy of respect, love and admiration. I love him more today that I did 13, 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. The depression presents challenges but none that make me question that he is the man I want to wake up next to until the day I just don't wake up. He is faithful, loyal, honest, hardworking, forgiving, talented, and sexy. If the depression is something I have to deal with to be with him, that's ok with me. I'd rather deal with that than some issues I see friends deal with with their husbands or wives. He never gives me a moments hesitation that he is committed to me and our little girl. He never deliberately hurts those he loves and he is quick to say he's sorry for undeliberate hurts. I love him so much.
I'm thinking about our life now. The good and the bad. Our move from Olathe has had many ups and downs. We wouldn't trade our life in Olathe for anything for Dani's sake. She is close to all of her grandparents. She sees them regularly and receives so much love from them. I never had that. I was not close to my grandparents at all and I smile when I see my parents and in-laws love on Dani each time they see her. Moving was the best thing we could have done for Dani. For CJ and me however, it's been difficult. We left many friends, a vibrant and healthy church and a totally different lifestyle. We have yet to feel at home here in many ways.
I'm thinking about the future. Dani starts preschool in the fall-she's growing up so fast. Our views differ greatly from the church we attend and the gap just seems to be widening-will we still be there in 2 years? We still miss our closest friends-will we ever find friends as good as we had in Olathe? Dani's such a spitfire-what will she be like in 2, 10, 15 years? We've decided to avoid the heartache of more years of infertility-will we regret only having one child?
So many feelings running through my heart tonight.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Vacation
WE ARE IN TENNESSEE!
We are visiting our friends Daniel and Laura Meadow outside Nashville, TN. Yesterday CJ, Dani and I visited the Nashville Zoo.
It was flippin' HOT! It was about 100 degrees and humid but we still had fun :) I'll hopefully blog more but right now I just wanted to add some pics.
We are visiting our friends Daniel and Laura Meadow outside Nashville, TN. Yesterday CJ, Dani and I visited the Nashville Zoo.
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| We got a great show at the Elephant area. |
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| You can't see it really well but there was a huge elephant right behind us! |
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| Me and Dani at the giraffes |
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| Riding the "train" |
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| The Carousel was her reward for being good that day |
Friday, June 17, 2011
11 Year Anniversary
I was 19. CJ had just turned 23 four days before. We were best friends turned friends in love and had spent the last 18 months planning our perfect wedding. We invited all our friends and family and had 300 guests. I spent the morning getting ready at the church, along with my mom and bridesmaids. I was relaxed and confident that the day was going to perfect. It was.
At 11am, CJ and I saw each other for the first time in the sanctuary as I walked down the isle alone to where he was standing on stage. I know people were peeking through the windows in the back but it was a private moment between my soon-to-be husband and his bride. Pictures (millions of them) would start in 15 minutes but we were in our own little world. I don't remember what we talked about but I remember how ridiculously happy I was the whole time. Our photographer discreetly took some pictures before she gave us our privacy and both of us are beaming at each other. My favorite wedding picture is from this time.
Fast forward through pictures and lunch and it's 2pm--time for the ceremony. We had tons of music; 5 songs plus the processional and recessional music. The ceremony was just over an hour but I thought it passed in minutes. 5 songs leave a lot of time to just stand there but those times were my favorite parts of the ceremony. Of course, I loved to say our vows and hear the words passed down from generation to generation but during the songs we just talked. People told us later how they thought we'd never shut up! I didn't care! We were having a ball! On our video I love seeing us laugh and joke with each other. I looked like I slept with a hanger in my mouth my smile was so big, lol. I DO remember some of what we said, but not most of it. But again, I remember how ridiculously happy I was through the whole ceremony. I cried (everybody cried) during my "Daddy" song but never again the ceremony. (CJ cried more than I did :)) I was too stinkin' happy!
On June 17, 2000 I married my best friend. I love him more today, 11 years later. We've weathered many ups and downs but we've come out on the other side stronger and more committed. Love you C. With all my heart.
At 11am, CJ and I saw each other for the first time in the sanctuary as I walked down the isle alone to where he was standing on stage. I know people were peeking through the windows in the back but it was a private moment between my soon-to-be husband and his bride. Pictures (millions of them) would start in 15 minutes but we were in our own little world. I don't remember what we talked about but I remember how ridiculously happy I was the whole time. Our photographer discreetly took some pictures before she gave us our privacy and both of us are beaming at each other. My favorite wedding picture is from this time.
Fast forward through pictures and lunch and it's 2pm--time for the ceremony. We had tons of music; 5 songs plus the processional and recessional music. The ceremony was just over an hour but I thought it passed in minutes. 5 songs leave a lot of time to just stand there but those times were my favorite parts of the ceremony. Of course, I loved to say our vows and hear the words passed down from generation to generation but during the songs we just talked. People told us later how they thought we'd never shut up! I didn't care! We were having a ball! On our video I love seeing us laugh and joke with each other. I looked like I slept with a hanger in my mouth my smile was so big, lol. I DO remember some of what we said, but not most of it. But again, I remember how ridiculously happy I was through the whole ceremony. I cried (everybody cried) during my "Daddy" song but never again the ceremony. (CJ cried more than I did :)) I was too stinkin' happy!
On June 17, 2000 I married my best friend. I love him more today, 11 years later. We've weathered many ups and downs but we've come out on the other side stronger and more committed. Love you C. With all my heart.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A needed break
Well, it's been a while. A long while. But a much needed break. If you read back a couple entries, you know I had a lot going on in my life. Lots of drama, and I don't do drama well. My "blog mind" kinda shut down. Every time I'd think about blogging I'd clam up so I figured I needed to stop for awhile.
Lately, I've been wanting to write again, so here I am.
Life is hectic but full right now. This week is full of special days. Saturday was Dani's birthday party, Monday was CJ's birthday, Wednesday is Dani's actual birthday, Friday is our 11th wedding anniversary AND we leave for vacation in TN. Busy, busy week (we will also celebrate fathers day on the next Sunday). I'm a little frantic but loving it. Our good friends Ben and Josie have made it a little easier for me by keeping Dani yesterday night and all day today. I'm actually going to leave as soon as I'm done here to go get her. CJ and I were able to go out last night to celebrate his 34th birthday and today I worked on laundry and packing for vacation. So thanks Ben and Josie!!!
Vacation is almost here and we are READY!!! We are going to visit some good friends (that we miss dreadfully) that live outside Nashville. Daniel and Laura Meadow were our closest friends when we lived in KC. Then they moved :( We miss them a lot, did I say that already? We unfortunately are not as close now as we were then but we know they are there when we need them or vice versa. They are some of the few people we call when we have a huge problem and luckily we've been able to return the favor a few times. Love, love, love them! Can't wait to see them again!
My other good friend, Ashley Vance has moved to Florida. Stinkin' Florida! Soooooo far away and I miss her dearly. I saw her a lot when they lived in MN (she visited a lot) and then she actually lived here in Burlington for 2 months before she moved to FL. I got spoiled let me tell ya. I miss her laugh, funny faces and sarcastic, irreverent sense of humor. I love that girl and hate that I can't jump on a plane this very instant to give her a hug. I know we will stay close ( I call her all the time :)) but it's just not the same.
Dani is doing well. She is finally POTTY TRAINED!!!!!! I don't know if I blogged previously about the fact that she finally decided it was time or not. But my little girl finally figured that she wasn't going to fight that battle anymore and she gave in! Yeah! I don't miss diapers in the least! She's going to turn 4 tomorrow and I can't believe it. AND she's going to start preschool in the fall. This should not be. I love her more each day and can't believe my baby is going to be going to school. She's so cute but sassy. Her attitude is our battle now. Not really arrogant or whatever, but just defiant when she doesn't want to do something. Telling me that she's not going to do something I asked her to do, things like that. But I guess that's normal. :)
I have a lot more in my head but they will all take their own blog posts so I'm going to close for now. Later!
Lately, I've been wanting to write again, so here I am.
Life is hectic but full right now. This week is full of special days. Saturday was Dani's birthday party, Monday was CJ's birthday, Wednesday is Dani's actual birthday, Friday is our 11th wedding anniversary AND we leave for vacation in TN. Busy, busy week (we will also celebrate fathers day on the next Sunday). I'm a little frantic but loving it. Our good friends Ben and Josie have made it a little easier for me by keeping Dani yesterday night and all day today. I'm actually going to leave as soon as I'm done here to go get her. CJ and I were able to go out last night to celebrate his 34th birthday and today I worked on laundry and packing for vacation. So thanks Ben and Josie!!!
Vacation is almost here and we are READY!!! We are going to visit some good friends (that we miss dreadfully) that live outside Nashville. Daniel and Laura Meadow were our closest friends when we lived in KC. Then they moved :( We miss them a lot, did I say that already? We unfortunately are not as close now as we were then but we know they are there when we need them or vice versa. They are some of the few people we call when we have a huge problem and luckily we've been able to return the favor a few times. Love, love, love them! Can't wait to see them again!
My other good friend, Ashley Vance has moved to Florida. Stinkin' Florida! Soooooo far away and I miss her dearly. I saw her a lot when they lived in MN (she visited a lot) and then she actually lived here in Burlington for 2 months before she moved to FL. I got spoiled let me tell ya. I miss her laugh, funny faces and sarcastic, irreverent sense of humor. I love that girl and hate that I can't jump on a plane this very instant to give her a hug. I know we will stay close ( I call her all the time :)) but it's just not the same.
Dani is doing well. She is finally POTTY TRAINED!!!!!! I don't know if I blogged previously about the fact that she finally decided it was time or not. But my little girl finally figured that she wasn't going to fight that battle anymore and she gave in! Yeah! I don't miss diapers in the least! She's going to turn 4 tomorrow and I can't believe it. AND she's going to start preschool in the fall. This should not be. I love her more each day and can't believe my baby is going to be going to school. She's so cute but sassy. Her attitude is our battle now. Not really arrogant or whatever, but just defiant when she doesn't want to do something. Telling me that she's not going to do something I asked her to do, things like that. But I guess that's normal. :)
I have a lot more in my head but they will all take their own blog posts so I'm going to close for now. Later!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Week 2
Another update. It's going ok, I only exercised once this week but I'm watching what I'm eating and I lost 5 lbs! I did exercise today so hopefully this week is off to a better start. God bless Dani. She thinks exercising is fun so she asked me to exercise today after we'd been up for about 2 1/2 hours. So I did. That was a great motivation. Hopefully she'll keep it up. Who needs a support group when you've got Dani :)
I went to the Doctor yesterday as a follow up to my blood pressure, it was down again 133/94 but it's still too high, boo. So off to my family practitioner to see if I need to be on blood pressure meds. I've decided to stay on the birth control and just suck it up and take meds until I no longer need to do so. Hopefully, that will be soon. Thanks for the encouragement I've received from some of you. I really do appreciate it.
I went to the Doctor yesterday as a follow up to my blood pressure, it was down again 133/94 but it's still too high, boo. So off to my family practitioner to see if I need to be on blood pressure meds. I've decided to stay on the birth control and just suck it up and take meds until I no longer need to do so. Hopefully, that will be soon. Thanks for the encouragement I've received from some of you. I really do appreciate it.
Mice
Have I ever told you all that I have a slight phobia of mice? Ok, it's not slight! I am terrified of mice! This is the one thing I absolutely hate about living in the country. We get mice all the time, especially in the fall after they are run out of the fields. Did I mention we are surrounded by fields? Yuck! I have had some especially messed up run ins with mice this year, I won't bore you (or amuse you, some of them are doozies) with all of them but after today's I just had to write it.
We've been trying to catch a certain mouse for about a week now, no can do. But I've noticed less "evidence" lately so I checked my mouse bait and noticed one had definitely been gotten into. So I figured it had gone off and died somewhere. (yes!) Adios and good riddance
I was getting Dani dressed when I notice mice droppings in Dani's bottom drawer. Eeew. So I went to see if it was just the one on top or if it was more. I picked up a handful of tights and saw a mouse! OH MY GOSH!!!!! I almost touched it!!!! It was dead but looked little. The one I'd seen I was sure was bigger than that.
This is where I really tried to overcome my fears. I decided I couldn't leave it in the drawer and since it was dead I would grab something long ( was NOT going to touch it even with gloves on) and get it into a plastic sack to throw outside till CJ could dispose of it. (thank goodness he's not scared of mice, he does all mice getting) So I grabbed a wooden spoon I never use and started moving the tights around when I see another small mouse in a different spot! OH MY GOSH!!!! I realized that I think it's a nest and the mother took the bait back as food. That was WAY too much for me to handle and I just couldn't have it in my house anymore and there was no way in heck I was going to try to be brave anymore! That was a lost cause to begin with, I don't know what I was thinking. So her drawer is sitting outside on our porch until CJ gets home at 7pm tonight. First thing he's gonna do tonight is get those things out of range of the house and shake out all the clothes, sanitize the drawer and then wash all the clothes those things touched! Living in the country is just making this phobia worse. Mice are proving to me they are as bad as I have feared since I was 6 years old!
We've been trying to catch a certain mouse for about a week now, no can do. But I've noticed less "evidence" lately so I checked my mouse bait and noticed one had definitely been gotten into. So I figured it had gone off and died somewhere. (yes!) Adios and good riddance
I was getting Dani dressed when I notice mice droppings in Dani's bottom drawer. Eeew. So I went to see if it was just the one on top or if it was more. I picked up a handful of tights and saw a mouse! OH MY GOSH!!!!! I almost touched it!!!! It was dead but looked little. The one I'd seen I was sure was bigger than that.
This is where I really tried to overcome my fears. I decided I couldn't leave it in the drawer and since it was dead I would grab something long ( was NOT going to touch it even with gloves on) and get it into a plastic sack to throw outside till CJ could dispose of it. (thank goodness he's not scared of mice, he does all mice getting) So I grabbed a wooden spoon I never use and started moving the tights around when I see another small mouse in a different spot! OH MY GOSH!!!! I realized that I think it's a nest and the mother took the bait back as food. That was WAY too much for me to handle and I just couldn't have it in my house anymore and there was no way in heck I was going to try to be brave anymore! That was a lost cause to begin with, I don't know what I was thinking. So her drawer is sitting outside on our porch until CJ gets home at 7pm tonight. First thing he's gonna do tonight is get those things out of range of the house and shake out all the clothes, sanitize the drawer and then wash all the clothes those things touched! Living in the country is just making this phobia worse. Mice are proving to me they are as bad as I have feared since I was 6 years old!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Week 1
I am making myself follow up! This week has been ok, not great but kinda what I expected. I have exercised twice, and been focusing on cutting out junk food. I haven't lost weight but today when I went to the doctor for my blood pressure check it was 142/91. Still too high but lower than last week.
Dani got sick Thursday night and is still sick so that has been a hindrance to my exercising. That, and the fact that I started a new job that I work from home for, so my free time has been monopolized by that. I really have no set schedule at home so time management is really my downfall. I'm working on that. I hope this doesn't all sound like excuses, it's just what I've noticed to be my stumbling blocks to exercising.
So there ya go, week one down.
Dani got sick Thursday night and is still sick so that has been a hindrance to my exercising. That, and the fact that I started a new job that I work from home for, so my free time has been monopolized by that. I really have no set schedule at home so time management is really my downfall. I'm working on that. I hope this doesn't all sound like excuses, it's just what I've noticed to be my stumbling blocks to exercising.
So there ya go, week one down.
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