Growing up, I remember many times hearing people talk about rewards in heaven. Most of the time, the rewards were "material". For instance, some would have huge mansions and others shacks. It never sat well with me but I was young and didn't really think about it much and when I did think about it, I just figured my pastors knew more than me.
Recently I heard this again. This time I've studied scriptures for myself and I no longer blindly accept what others tell me. Instantly I thought about how almost every time Jesus talks about rewards, it's not material. For instance, the Beatitudes. Blessed are all these people for...
-theirs is the kingdom of heaven
-they will be comforted
-they will be filled (with righteousness)
-they will be shown mercy
-they will see God
-they will be called sons of God
These are not material rewards. I would think "rewards" would be the lives you've touched, times God has used you (that will finally be made clear) and the peace you will feel when you see how God used those trials to bring good.
It seems this is just an extension of the "prosperity" gospel. When the Bible talks about blessings we immediately think money and that if we have a lack of money, God isn't blessing us. So if we are storing up rewards in heaven they must be material possessions right? I don't think so. What do you think?
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
feeling alone
Wow, so much has happened recently, I'm not even sure what exactly I'm going to write in this entry. I've had more drama in my life over the past 2 weeks than I've had in the past 8 years. I'm really hurting right now but I'm praying that my pain won't be wasted. However, I'm not to the point yet that I'm past the hurt and able to see good in it. It's still too fresh.
2 weeks ago I had a horrible day with one of my best friends. Without going into details, I'll just say this. Most of the day we were frustrated with other people. After awhile, the frustration and anger bubbled over on each other. We had our first fight and it was a doozie. Not so much in intensity but it lasted a long time cuz we had a long drive home before it was over (2 hours) and I could drop her off. Having said that, we were able to talk on the way home and even though we were still tense with the stress of the day, I thought things were going to be ok. She hasn't talked to me since. I've sent emails and texts with no response. This was a close friend. So close we called each other sisters. I guess I misread all that, because in my book, you don't just shut out a sister over one stupid fight. Yet even as I'm mad, I miss her.
Then last week, I posted something on facebook about how I saw an example of why I hate war. A former soldier shared with friends for the first time, his struggles. He had been living with guilt for many many years because he had to shoot a man in self defense. He has seen that man's face everyday for close to 40 years and has felt that God could never forgive him for what he did. That is horrible. I DO NOT like war and don't support it. I have strong feelings about this (and some very valid reasons) BUT in my FB post all I said was I saw an example of why I don't support war. The men and women that go, have to live with the consequences of it. Even those that believe in why they're going (and this man did). I hate to see a soul so broken. It breaks my heart. I was simply hurting for him when I posted the status. Well, all hell broke loose and I became the whipping boy for anyone who dislikes those that "don't support the troops." (such an easy accusation to sling at someone) The worse part was it was FAMILY that were "talking" publicly about me on each others walls and status's. I even had one harrass me till I had to block him after I unfriended him due to his (current and past) comments.
These are people who are supposed to love me despite what they might view as flaws. These were cousins and aunts. Women who saw me grow up. They came to my dedication, graduation and wedding. Then my baby showers for Dani and the hospital when she was born. These are people who are supposed to be there for you when the going get rough. They aren't supposed to publicly flog you for something you didn't even say (or mean). They aren't supposed to call you stupid, ignorant, mean, closed minded, and heartless. Those words cut deeply and 6 days later I still cry over it. Yet, only one has even bothered to respond to a letter my brother sent out (privately) asking them to try to understand what I was actually saying. No one seems to care that they hurt me. I have apologized to them for what they thought I said (and what they obviously thought I meant by it) but only one has responded and it was a cousin not one of my aunts.
Why does that bother me so much???? I've been asking myself this question. I guess because my cousins didn't babysit me, they didn't grow up with my wonderful mother who gave birth to me, they didn't watch me grow up like my aunts did, they didn't change my diapers, they didn't hug and kiss me when I was still a toddler, and they didn't calm my fears or wipe my tears as a child. I could go on and on I'm sure. I look at my cousins and they aren't any more mature than I am nor would I expect them to be. But I look at my mom and I see wisdom that only comes with being a "grownup" for longer than me. I know I can still be immature, anyone my age still is. But I guess I expected my aunts to be the voice of reason not add fuel to the fire. I feel they should have known that their words would have consequences. Did they care they were hurting their niece's feelings? You don't live that long and not learn that what you say matters to those you say it about. Did they stop to think that they might be severing ties with someone they've watch grow up for 30 years (and my immediate family)? Did they stop to think at all? It didn't appear to be so from what I could see/read. All the posts sounded the same to me. There was no voice of wisdom coming from anywhere. No rational thoughts that might slow down the mob mentality that was rising to a fever pitch. No one seemed to care that I had feelings too.
I'm hurting. I feel alone, cut off, discarded. I fear the relationships will never be the same.
I am hurting and very few people seem to care.
2 weeks ago I had a horrible day with one of my best friends. Without going into details, I'll just say this. Most of the day we were frustrated with other people. After awhile, the frustration and anger bubbled over on each other. We had our first fight and it was a doozie. Not so much in intensity but it lasted a long time cuz we had a long drive home before it was over (2 hours) and I could drop her off. Having said that, we were able to talk on the way home and even though we were still tense with the stress of the day, I thought things were going to be ok. She hasn't talked to me since. I've sent emails and texts with no response. This was a close friend. So close we called each other sisters. I guess I misread all that, because in my book, you don't just shut out a sister over one stupid fight. Yet even as I'm mad, I miss her.
Then last week, I posted something on facebook about how I saw an example of why I hate war. A former soldier shared with friends for the first time, his struggles. He had been living with guilt for many many years because he had to shoot a man in self defense. He has seen that man's face everyday for close to 40 years and has felt that God could never forgive him for what he did. That is horrible. I DO NOT like war and don't support it. I have strong feelings about this (and some very valid reasons) BUT in my FB post all I said was I saw an example of why I don't support war. The men and women that go, have to live with the consequences of it. Even those that believe in why they're going (and this man did). I hate to see a soul so broken. It breaks my heart. I was simply hurting for him when I posted the status. Well, all hell broke loose and I became the whipping boy for anyone who dislikes those that "don't support the troops." (such an easy accusation to sling at someone) The worse part was it was FAMILY that were "talking" publicly about me on each others walls and status's. I even had one harrass me till I had to block him after I unfriended him due to his (current and past) comments.
These are people who are supposed to love me despite what they might view as flaws. These were cousins and aunts. Women who saw me grow up. They came to my dedication, graduation and wedding. Then my baby showers for Dani and the hospital when she was born. These are people who are supposed to be there for you when the going get rough. They aren't supposed to publicly flog you for something you didn't even say (or mean). They aren't supposed to call you stupid, ignorant, mean, closed minded, and heartless. Those words cut deeply and 6 days later I still cry over it. Yet, only one has even bothered to respond to a letter my brother sent out (privately) asking them to try to understand what I was actually saying. No one seems to care that they hurt me. I have apologized to them for what they thought I said (and what they obviously thought I meant by it) but only one has responded and it was a cousin not one of my aunts.
Why does that bother me so much???? I've been asking myself this question. I guess because my cousins didn't babysit me, they didn't grow up with my wonderful mother who gave birth to me, they didn't watch me grow up like my aunts did, they didn't change my diapers, they didn't hug and kiss me when I was still a toddler, and they didn't calm my fears or wipe my tears as a child. I could go on and on I'm sure. I look at my cousins and they aren't any more mature than I am nor would I expect them to be. But I look at my mom and I see wisdom that only comes with being a "grownup" for longer than me. I know I can still be immature, anyone my age still is. But I guess I expected my aunts to be the voice of reason not add fuel to the fire. I feel they should have known that their words would have consequences. Did they care they were hurting their niece's feelings? You don't live that long and not learn that what you say matters to those you say it about. Did they stop to think that they might be severing ties with someone they've watch grow up for 30 years (and my immediate family)? Did they stop to think at all? It didn't appear to be so from what I could see/read. All the posts sounded the same to me. There was no voice of wisdom coming from anywhere. No rational thoughts that might slow down the mob mentality that was rising to a fever pitch. No one seemed to care that I had feelings too.
I'm hurting. I feel alone, cut off, discarded. I fear the relationships will never be the same.
I am hurting and very few people seem to care.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Purpose of Church
A while ago someone posted the question "Why do you go to church" on their status on Facebook. I, like many others, gave my version of an answer. Mine said in essence "I go because we can do more good for others as a group than as individuals" I truly believe this. (I do think it's good to have Christian friends/ group that will challenge you and to discuss the Bible/ideas with. However you can have these relationship outside of a church building.)
So what do you do when opportunities to help those outside the church aren't available to you? What do you do when most of the ministries at the church are inward focused? And is it worth leaving behind relationships that mean a lot to you in order to go somewhere you feel will allow you serve God as part of a body of Christ?
To be honest I've really been struggling with these questions. I love a lot of people in our church. We have some close relationships with those that attend there. However, except for Angel Food Ministries, the Domestic Violence Shelter collections and Food Pantry drives (the first two we started) all the ministries I can think of are about people already in the church. And there doesn't seem to be any initiative to serve those outside the church. We are told to invite others in but not to go out and serve and love those that won't enter our doors. For instance, our teens have lots of fund raisers in order to do lots of things that are all about their entertainment. Personally, I think they would learn a lot more about Jesus by serving the homeless/poor/hungry than going to yet another retreat/camp/whatever. They go rock climbing but never sweep the rocky doorstep of an elderly person. Same with our children's program. I want Dani to grow up learning the body of Christ is there to serve and love others. It's not about us.
And I don't think we need to go to church to "be fed". We are all responsible for our own personal growth. Yes we can learn from others but it is ultimately our own personal walk. I do my own study at home from the Bible, books that challenge me and from several close friendships that also challenge me and allow me to question and grow. This is not a reason to stay in my thoughts.
However, there are people we love here. CJ is mentoring a teenager and that relationship is blossoming into something great. I have a relationship also that kind of has that mentoring quality and both of these relationships would probably suffer if we left. There's also some relationships I could stand to lose. They are unhealthy and would be good to get away from. (I will not explain this, just trust me)
We are not jumping into leaving and we aren't even looking at other churches yet. I think our relationships are holding us right now but it's a struggle. Does anyone else struggle with this? Is our situation so unique?
So what do you do when opportunities to help those outside the church aren't available to you? What do you do when most of the ministries at the church are inward focused? And is it worth leaving behind relationships that mean a lot to you in order to go somewhere you feel will allow you serve God as part of a body of Christ?
To be honest I've really been struggling with these questions. I love a lot of people in our church. We have some close relationships with those that attend there. However, except for Angel Food Ministries, the Domestic Violence Shelter collections and Food Pantry drives (the first two we started) all the ministries I can think of are about people already in the church. And there doesn't seem to be any initiative to serve those outside the church. We are told to invite others in but not to go out and serve and love those that won't enter our doors. For instance, our teens have lots of fund raisers in order to do lots of things that are all about their entertainment. Personally, I think they would learn a lot more about Jesus by serving the homeless/poor/hungry than going to yet another retreat/camp/whatever. They go rock climbing but never sweep the rocky doorstep of an elderly person. Same with our children's program. I want Dani to grow up learning the body of Christ is there to serve and love others. It's not about us.
And I don't think we need to go to church to "be fed". We are all responsible for our own personal growth. Yes we can learn from others but it is ultimately our own personal walk. I do my own study at home from the Bible, books that challenge me and from several close friendships that also challenge me and allow me to question and grow. This is not a reason to stay in my thoughts.
However, there are people we love here. CJ is mentoring a teenager and that relationship is blossoming into something great. I have a relationship also that kind of has that mentoring quality and both of these relationships would probably suffer if we left. There's also some relationships I could stand to lose. They are unhealthy and would be good to get away from. (I will not explain this, just trust me)
We are not jumping into leaving and we aren't even looking at other churches yet. I think our relationships are holding us right now but it's a struggle. Does anyone else struggle with this? Is our situation so unique?
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