7 months later

7 months later...

I am finally getting back to those other changes I promised 7 months ago lol.  Actually I don't really remember what other changes I was going to write about back then so I'll talk about the changes that are more recent. 

After all the stress mentioned last post, leaving church, my grandmother dying, and losing my job, I was a mess for several months.  I had to start working 3 nights a week and still am doing that actually.  But with all the stress I put on 10 lbs without even thinking about it.  In Febuary I decided this had to stop.  I was just starting to diet when I got a call from the Burlington YMCA.  They were offering a free 2 week trial.  My good friend Ashley had just moved back to the area (love it!!!) and we went together.  I ended up taking a discounted rate for 15 months instead of a free 2 weeks and I've been going ever since.  I also went to my doctor and she's been great.  The best thing she did for me was turn me on the an app called "myfitnesspal".  I've been tracking all my food and it really helped me change my eating habits.  I've been working out 4-5 days a week and have lost a grand total of...

52 pounds

I still have a long way to go but I feel great.  I've not been this weight since I was 19 maybe 20 years old.  I'm 3 lbs from the weight I was when I got married and 8 lbs from when I left my freshman year of college.  I still need to lose 73 lbs to hit my ideal/healthy weight but I'm on my way.  I have a goal of being 8 lbs less when we leave for vacation in 2 weeks but my average weekly weight loss has not been quite that much lately so we'll see.  I still feel really good about what I've done so far.  The next goal I have after vacation is running a 5k in October.  It's the 12:1 run hosted by Harmony Bible Church which is where we are attending now.  I feel it combines two passions of mine, providing clean water in the world and fitness goals.  It's rare those kind of passions come together so I am thrilled.  I have only run 1 mile recently and I am not training as hard as I should but I'm slowly working on it.  I have figured out to walk to the highway before I start running and I do better.  Running on gravel sucks because I constantly lose my rhythmn when the rocks move under my feet. 

So this blog will probably include a lot my fitness stuff since that seems to be what my life revolves around right now.  But I'm ok with that.  I finally am being a good role model for my daughter and that's extremely important to me.  That is a lot of what finally clicked for me.  I don't want her to struggle with her weight like I did.  I DO NOT want that for her.  Bullies are so cruel and it's only gotten worse since I was in school.  I admit I fear what bullies could do to her if she is a heavy child.  I don't like parenting out of fear but it's something I deal with...

Other things going on right now...  Dani starts kindergarten in the fall.  I.CAN.NOT.BELIEVE.IT!!!!!  She's my one and only.  I'll never have a baby, toddler, or preschooler again.  I am ok with it but I know I will miss her cuddles and dependance (somewhat) on me. I love watching her grow and change but I know I'll never experience that stage again so it's bittersweet. 
She turned 5 on June 15.  We had a Princess Tea Party that went over pretty well.  The kids didn't quite buy into the concept but still had a lot of fun. 

Church is going well.  It's an adjustment going to a new church and one that's so big.  We are slowly finding friends and our place.  Dani still asks about her old class but that doesn't surprise me.  She forgets nobody.  She asks about people that she met once 2 years ago.  Even though she asks about her old friends, she does enjoy her new class.  She loved the AWANA class she took last year so she's excited for that to start again in the fall.  We have a class we joined shortly after we started attending.  It's called Global Life and is all about a the global mindset the gospel demands.  We love the concept but have struggled to make relationships outside of the classroom.  I think a lot of it is simply time.  We came to Burlington First already knowing so many people that we just melted into old relationships.  We've never had to go to a completely new place and start from scratch.  We do know however, that we are in the right place so we trust relationships will come with time.  I have a few ladies that I've gotten to know a little bit and I see some great potential in those friendships.  However, in January my good friend Ashley moved back from FL so I've had my need for a friend pretty much met.  I know I need to still cultivate other relationships but it certainly slowed my efforts to reach out to other women. 

As I mentioned earlier I lost my job at our old church when we left and had to start working at the gas station 3 nights a week.  It's worked out that our schedules have worked (for the most part) so we don't have to pay childcare but it's been hard on CJ and I because 3 days a week we literally don't see each other for more than 2-3 minutes.  CJ will leave by 5:45am for work and gets off at 4.  I clock in at the gas station at 4 so I take Dani and he picks her up from me and takes care of her that evening.  I get off at 11(ish) and he's asleep when I get home.   It's definatly not ideal but it's what God has provided.  I even recently got a promotion to a part-time night manager.  It has helped a bit with money but not much.  I'm seeking out more responsiblities so I can negociate a bigger raise soon.  CJ and I really miss each other through out the week but so far this is the job that God has provided even when we've prayed for something else.  We just try to utilize the time we have and enjoy each others company when we're together. 

CJ and I are REALLY looking forward to our vacation that's coming up in 2 weeks.  We can't afford much but we are going to see our good friends Daniel and Laura Meadow in Erin, TN.  We LOVE those two and really miss them!  We really have no plans but to hang out and enjoy catching up.  Laura recently had a baby so this will work for them too. :)  A huge bonus to the vacation is that CJ and I will be together the whole week.  We've tried to not let our jobs mess up our marrige and for the most part we've succeeded but we could definetely use the time together to reconnect.  Especially after the next couple weeks.  I'm having to work 4 days a week since the other managers have been taking their vacations and then they all have the 4 of July holidays they are taking.  Since I'm part time I don't get paid vacations so I'm having to fill in when they are gone.  It will be good for the checkbook (we took a huge paycut when I lost my job) but bad for family time. 

As stressful as our work schedules have been the overall stress levels in our lives has decreased dramatically.  It's sad but the stress we were under at our old church was huge.  We didn't stay much longer than we felt God wanted, but the stress was still so much!  At Harmony we don't feel we have to fight to do the things about which we are passionate.  And even though Harmony has Baptist roots (it's nondenominational) we've heard more sermons about Holiness than ever.  I love how our Pastor talks about it.  It is so in line with what I believe about holiness and it's what I want Dani to learn as well.  It's just been great.  Not only have we had places to plug in and serve God in ways we're passionate about but we are getting wonderful/challenging preaching.  We didn't know if we would get the preaching/teaching aspect when we left the Nazarene church.  Honestly we didn't know what to expect but it's been so great to know we didn't lose but actually gained in that area. 

Life is vastly different than the last time I blogged.  As always I hope to blog again sooner rather than later but I'm done making that promise.  :)  I have a lot going on certainly but I do genuinely enjoy writing it down, so here's to hoping you can read about it soon :)

Lots of changes

Obviously, I've not written in quite a while and I'm not even going to apologize this time :)  There has been so much going on in my life that I just could express all my thoughts in words yet.  Also, many things I WANTED to write about, just weren't something I want the whole world to read...

First big change, CJ and I have left our home church, Burlington First Church of the Nazarene.  And because of that (somewhat because of that at least) I have lost my job as janitor.  This decision has been a huge one that has taken a lot of my mental energy I would like to use for other things. (including blogging/journaling)  One of the main reasons I've not written about this is because, I'm not going to publicly share the reasons why.  There were conflicts and we disagreed with how things were being handled.  We had felt God leading us to leave for awhile but my job held us there, so we wouldn't even truly consider it.  Then there were the conflicts mentioned earlier and we knew God was "kicking us out".  It was clear.  It was very sad to leave.  I grew up in that church. CJ and I were married there and Dani was dedicated there as well.  So many memories...

Three weeks ago, my grandmother died.  That, of course, was very hard.  I've never lost a grandparent.  It sucks.  Although, my grandma was 96, sick and so ready to go home to the father of her children (he died before I was born) and her two children who went before her, it still sucked.  I found out I'd lost my job one week and the next, she died.  I had a very emotional two weeks to say the least.  The visitation was extremely hard.  I just didn't want to be there.  There were very many well-meaning people who came to support me and my family but many of them asked about the church, why we left and if we were ok with it.  I just couldn't deal.  I didn't want to talk about it, I felt so betrayed and hurt. I just wanted to focus on Grandma.  I pretty much avoided most everybody until I left.  The funeral was good however.  Hard, but good.  I only really broke twice.  Once when a conversation I had with her in the hospice house was mentioned (I didn't know that was coming) and when my cousin read the Christmas story.  I know, I know, why did he read it?  Let me explain...  Every Christmas my Grandma made us read the Christmas story from Luke before we ever did anything else at our family's get-together. She made one of the 4 pastors/grandsons (depending on who was there) read it from her KJV red letter Bible.  Every year we heard it, from the time we were babies.  Never skipped it.  Many of us cousins were talking at the visitation about how that's one our favorite memories of get-togethers and how we would miss that now that we probably would only see each other at reunions and such.  We decided that we had to hear it one last time...  I cried through the whole thing.  My brother, Donnie, actually did her funeral.  I admired him for it.  I couldn't have done it.  If you want to read a beautiful sermon about a wonderful woman here is a link to his blog where he posted the sermon in full.  A few things changed as he read it but the content is pretty much identical.

There are many more things going on but those have been the two biggest changes/events lately.  I'll blog more soon about others.

Reflective

Honestly, I'm not sure what this blog entry is going to be about...  I feel like I want to put my feelings to "paper" but I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm feeling...

I'm thinking about my life, the changes that have happened recently and not-so-recently and where we are headed. 

I'm thinking about Dani, my spit-fire of a daughter that is asleep in the next room.  I'm thinking about how Dani entering our life changed our future so dramatically.  We moved back to Iowa (which we said we'd never do) we worry about money and we depend on my parents more than we ever did as newlyweds.  However, we also sometimes just sit and marvel at this incredible human being that is in our lives.  We laugh at the cute things she says and does.  We feel a love for someone that is even more profound, deep and selfless than we have for each other.  We learn about God's love by watching her through our own eyes. 

I'm thinking about the love on my life, CJ.  This past week I saw a side of him I haven't seen in years.  His depression seemed to have lifted (thanks in no small part to an old friend) for a while to allow me to see the man I fell in love with 13 years ago.  I saw his heart, sensitivity and kindness that I have missed for a very long time.  Don't get me wrong, please.  I love him even when I don't always see "the man I fell in love with".  Even with his depression firmly in place (which for most that have chronic depression-it usually is) he is a man worthy of respect, love and admiration.  I love him more today that I did 13, 10, 5 or even 2 years ago.  The depression presents challenges but none that make me question that he is the man I want to wake up next to until the day I just don't wake up.  He is faithful, loyal, honest, hardworking, forgiving, talented, and sexy.  If the depression is something I have to deal with to be with him, that's ok with me.  I'd rather deal with that than some issues I see friends deal with with their husbands or wives.  He never gives me a moments hesitation that he is committed to me and our little girl.  He never deliberately hurts those he loves and he is quick to say he's sorry for undeliberate hurts.  I love him so much.

I'm thinking about our life now.  The good and the bad.  Our move from Olathe has had many ups and downs.  We wouldn't trade our life in Olathe for anything for Dani's sake.  She is close to all of her grandparents.  She sees them regularly and receives so much love from them.  I never had that.  I was not close to my grandparents at all and I smile when I see my parents and in-laws love on Dani each time they see her.  Moving was the best thing we could have done for Dani.  For CJ and me however, it's been difficult.  We left many friends, a vibrant and healthy church and a totally different lifestyle.  We have yet to feel at home here in many ways. 

I'm thinking about the future.  Dani starts preschool in the fall-she's growing up so fast.  Our views differ greatly from the church we attend and the gap just seems to be widening-will we still be there in 2 years?  We still miss our closest friends-will we ever find friends as good as we had in Olathe?  Dani's such a spitfire-what will she be like in 2, 10, 15 years?  We've decided to avoid the heartache of more years of infertility-will we regret only having one child? 

So many feelings running through my heart tonight.    

Purpose of Church

A while ago someone posted the question "Why do you go to church" on their status on Facebook. I, like many others, gave my version of an answer. Mine said in essence "I go because we can do more good for others as a group than as individuals" I truly believe this. (I do think it's good to have Christian friends/ group that will challenge you and to discuss the Bible/ideas with. However you can have these relationship outside of a church building.)

So what do you do when opportunities to help those outside the church aren't available to you? What do you do when most of the ministries at the church are inward focused? And is it worth leaving behind relationships that mean a lot to you in order to go somewhere you feel will allow you serve God as part of a body of Christ?

To be honest I've really been struggling with these questions. I love a lot of people in our church. We have some close relationships with those that attend there. However, except for Angel Food Ministries, the Domestic Violence Shelter collections and Food Pantry drives (the first two we started) all the ministries I can think of are about people already in the church. And there doesn't seem to be any initiative to serve those outside the church. We are told to invite others in but not to go out and serve and love those that won't enter our doors. For instance, our teens have lots of fund raisers in order to do lots of things that are all about their entertainment. Personally, I think they would learn a lot more about Jesus by serving the homeless/poor/hungry than going to yet another retreat/camp/whatever. They go rock climbing but never sweep the rocky doorstep of an elderly person. Same with our children's program. I want Dani to grow up learning the body of Christ is there to serve and love others. It's not about us.

And I don't think we need to go to church to "be fed". We are all responsible for our own personal growth. Yes we can learn from others but it is ultimately our own personal walk. I do my own study at home from the Bible, books that challenge me and from several close friendships that also challenge me and allow me to question and grow. This is not a reason to stay in my thoughts.

However, there are people we love here. CJ is mentoring a teenager and that relationship is blossoming into something great. I have a relationship also that kind of has that mentoring quality and both of these relationships would probably suffer if we left. There's also some relationships I could stand to lose. They are unhealthy and would be good to get away from. (I will not explain this, just trust me)

We are not jumping into leaving and we aren't even looking at other churches yet. I think our relationships are holding us right now but it's a struggle. Does anyone else struggle with this? Is our situation so unique?

what do we do with these?

Recently I heard someone liken those (like me) that believe America's founding fathers were not what we would define "Christian", to those that deny the Holocaust. Needless to say I was extremely offended and saddened by this. I realize that many of our Founding Fathers said "religious" things in public forums that would support the "Christian" claim. However, what do we do with these quotes?

UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION
The First Amendment
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion..."

Article VI, Section 3
"...no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States."


JOHN ADAMS
"Can a free government possibly exist with the Roman Catholic religion?"
-letter to Thomas Jefferson

"As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?"
-letter to F.A. Van der Kamp, Dec. 27, 1816

"I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved-- the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!"
-letter to Thomas Jefferson

"The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion."
-Adams signed the Treaty of Tripoli (June 7, 1797). Article 11

"Twenty times in the course of my late reading, have I been upon the point of breaking out, 'this would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it.'"
-a letter to Charles Cushing (October 19, 1756)

JAMES MADISON
"What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical establishments had on society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of the civil authority; on many instances they have been seen upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty may have found an established clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate it, needs them not."
-"A Memorial and Remonstrance", 1785

"Experience witnesseth that ecclesiastical establishments, instead of maintaining the purity and efficacy of religion, have had a contrary operation. During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution."
-"A Memorial and Remonstrance", 1785

"Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise."
-letter to Wm. Bradford, April 1, 1774

"The purpose of separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe in blood for centuries."
-1803 letter objecting use of gov. land for churches

THOMAS JEFFERSON
"In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot ... they have perverted the purest religion ever preached to man into mystery and jargon, unintelligible to all mankind, and therefore the safer engine for their purpose."
- to Horatio Spafford, March 17, 1814

"Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear."
- letter to Peter Carr, Aug. 10, 1787

"It is too late in the day for men of sincerity to pretend they believe in the Platonic mysticisms that three are one, and one is three; and yet that the one is not three, and the three are not one. But this constitutes the craft, the power and the profit of the priests."
- to John Adams, 1803

"History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance, of which their political as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purpose."
- to Baron von Humboldt, 1813

"Gouverneur Morris had often told me that General Washington believed no more of that system (Christianity) than did he himself."
-in his private journal, Feb. 1800

It is not to be understood that I am with him (Jesus Christ) in all his doctrines. I am a Materialist; he takes the side of Spiritualism, he preaches the efficacy of repentance toward forgiveness of sin; I require a counterpoise of good works to redeem it."
- to Carey, 1816

"The priests of the superstition, a bloodthirsty race, are as cruel and remorseless as the being whom they represented as the family God of Abraham, of Isaac and of Jacob, and the local God of Israel. That Jesus did not mean to impose himself on mankind as the son of God, physically speaking, I have been convinced by the writings of men more learned than myself in that lore."
- to Story, Aug. 4, 1820

"The doctrines of Jesus are simple, and tend all to the happiness of man. But compare with these the demoralizing dogmas of Calvin.
1. That there are three Gods.
2. That good works, or the love of our neighbor, is nothing.
3. That faith is every thing, and the more incomprehensible the proposition, the more merit the faith.
4. That reason in religion is of unlawful use.
5. That God, from the beginning, elected certain individuals to be saved, and certain others to be damned; and that no crimes of the former can damn them; no virtues of the latter save."
- to Benjamin Waterhouse, Jun. 26, 1822

"Difference of opinion is advantageous in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced an inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth."
-"Notes on Virginia"

The truth is, that the greatest enemies of the doctrine of Jesus are those, calling themselves the expositors of them, who have perverted them to the structure of a system of fancy absolutely incomprehensible, and without any foundation in his genuine words. And the day will come, when the mystical generation [birth] of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his father, in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation [birth] of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter."
- to John Adams, Apr. 11, 1823

"No man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever."
-Virginia Act for Religious Freedom

"... I am not afraid of priests. They have tried upon me all their various batteries of pious whining, hypocritical canting, lying and slandering. I have contemplated their order from the Magi of the East to the Saints of the West and I have found no difference of character, but of more or less caution, in proportion to their information or ignorance on whom their interested duperies were to be played off. Their sway in New England is indeed formidable. No mind beyond mediocrity dares there to develop itself."
- letter to Horatio Spofford, 1816

"Christianity neither is, nor ever was, a part of the Common Law."
-letter to Dr. Thomas Cooper, 1814

"Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legislative powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and State."
-letter to Danbury Baptist Association, CT
"The Complete Jefferson" by Saul K. Padover, pp 518-519

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
From Franklin's autobiography, p. 66:
"...Some books against Deism fell into my hands....It happened that they wrought an effect on me quite contrary to what was intended by them; for the arguments of the Deists, which were quote to be refuted, appeared to me much stronger than the refutations, in short, I soon became a thorough Deist."

From Franklin's autobiography, p. 66:
"My parents had given me betimes religious impressions, and I received from my infancy a pious education in the principles of Calvinism. But scarcely was I arrived at fifteen years of age, when, after having doubted in turn of different tenets, according as I found them combated in the different books that I read, I began to doubt of Revelation itself"


THOMAS PAINE
From The Age of Reason, pp. 89:
"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of....Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and of my own part, I disbelieve them all."

From The Age of Reason:
"All natural institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian, or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit."

From The Age of Reason:
"What is it the Bible teaches us? -- rapine, cruelty, and murder."


There are many more quotes and information on these and other Founding Fathers. How can we, as Christians, bury our heads in the sand and "forget" these quotes?

One last thing, in the same conversation that this person likened me and others with my same beliefs with those that deny the Holocaust, they said "Actions speak louder than words" This is so true. Do a little research on the lives of these people and most of them certainly did not live "Christian" lives. Besides the fact that the very constitution they drafted denied basic rights to women and black people. They also oversaw the slaughter of millions of Indians and started the slave trade to pad their own pockets. They saw some people (anyone other than the white man) as less than human and not worth even basic rights under in this new country. Does that sound Christ-like or "Christian" to you?

Are leaders baseball umps or football refs?

I've been thinking about this for the past several weeks. How do we show respect to our leaders? Especially those leaders in church. Our national leaders are challenged, criticized, and spoken out about all the time. We can say whatever we want about them without feeling guilty and I believe this is a good thing. However, I think some people take this to the extreme (baby killer anyone?) But I believe this is still a good thing, I wouldn't take this away because a few abuse it.

However, how are we to treat our church leaders? I believe there are many factors that come into this. First and foremost, if we disagree we have to prayerfully consider our reactions because often times if we spend time in prayer, we may come to agree. The reasoning behind this is, leaders' words often are often designed to stretch and challenge us. So we may not automatically agree when we first hear it. And then if we still disagree, these leaders are usually our friends, not some far away leader in DC we never meet. So then do we approach them? Do we questions and/or challenge them?

I've had an analogy that has helped me form this question. Look at the difference between Baseball Umpires and Football Referees. Baseball umps are pretty much untouchable. They don't review their calls. What they say goes and if you get mad, they have the ability to throw you out. Football refs on the other hand, voluntarily review their own plays, and if they don't the coaches have the right to challenge them without penalties.

So are Pastors, Priests, the Pope, SS teachers, Board members, Deacons, (etc, etc) baseball umps or football umps. And do these very leaders agree with your conclusion?

living with questions

I'm learning that I don't know more than I do know. I'm also learning that's ok. However, I'm so used to thinking I have to have the right answers in order to live right and not sin. If I don't know if something is right or wrong how can I know whether or not I can do it and still be ok in God's eyes? This is such a weird way of thinking however, it's the norm in church culture right now. We need pastors and teachers and even each other to tell us the right answers so we know the right way to live. Is smoking and drinking right or wrong? Is going to a bar ok? Is being gay a sin? Is being transgendered a sin? Is voting for a pro-choice candidate ok? Is capitalism good or bad? Is cussing a sin or just bad taste? Is speaking in tongues essential to being filled with the Holy Spirit or just a gift given to a select few? Should we be baptized as infants or after being "saved"? Etc etc etc. I think this is why there is so much division between different denominations. Even why there are different denominations to begin with. We feel we have to have all the answers nailed down and nailed down correctly. Questions aren't welcome. Uncertainty is to be avoided at all cost.

Right now I'm dealing with the questions of homosexuality. Right now I still think it's sin. However, I'm not so certain that I will argue with anyone about it. There is more and more science showing how hormones and genes contribute to many having homosexual tendencies. I also know that external factors play a huge role as well. (Such as having overbearing mothers or absentee fathers) There seems to be even more science pointing towards genetic or hormonal causes in those who would call themselves transgendered. If a "male" embryo receives female hormones invitro that causes them to feel more female than male do we condemn them anyway? Would God? I don't know yet and maybe I never will. Is that bad? I'm learning more and more that the answer is no.

We don't have to have all the answers! God is the only one with knowledge of ALL things. Plus, with learning more and more that it's not all about knowing the right way to live (and therefore avoiding hell) and just living in the love and presence of Jesus right here, right now, I'm learning it's ok to be in process. To always be learning and reevaluating what I've always thought to be set in stone.

I think one of the most dangerous things a church can do is to refuse to question. We have a history of doing that and it isn't pretty. ESPECIALLY when it comes to science. Remember (in history books) when the church refused to believe that the solar system didn't revolve around the earth? This seems silly to us now but back then it was a HUGE deal! It seemed so central to what they believed about how God created us and the worlds around us. For a long time the church refused to reevaluate what they had translated the Bible to say in order to fit it to what science had proven.

Are we doing the same thing today? What about evolution? Most christians will agree that the creation story isn't literal (6 24 hr periods) After all, we all know the verse that says, a day is a thousand years and a thousand years is a day to God. So is it so unbelievable that God might have created that single cell organism on the first "day" and set the system of evolution in place? Would that mean that he didn't actually "create" all that we see? Actually I think it's even more impressive and cool than if it all happened in 6 days! What a creative God we have!

We just need to be careful I think, in the coming days. Questions and uncertainty (and science) are not our enemies. They help us understand and explore our amazing God!

Angel Food is Launched!

Wow, what a morning! Angel food had it's first distribution day (at our church) today. It's exciting to see it off the ground. We had a good turn out of volunteers. Not everyone who signed up showed up but that's ok. People probably had conflicts. It was fun to see people getting excited about the ministry. A lot of our volunteers couldn't wait to take menus out to their friends, neighbors, and coworkers. And several "customers" (people who bought boxes) were excited to share with those around them too. It is so neat to see God spread this around. One woman who had bought a box, works with a lot of shut ins and people like that and she sees some of them buy precooked meals for $7.50 a pop. Well Angel Food has a "Senior Meals" box that is 10 meals for $28 and she can't wait to tell all those people about it. She said ours even looks better-tasting. Also, we have a volunteer that just can't wait to deliver to the elderly and handicapped so that will work out wonderfully.

We (CJ and I) have been praying since we got here that God would show people a new way of doing things. A new way to be the church, the body of Christ. And people are starting to catch the vision! It is exciting to see. I see so many new ideas flowing out of people and we are just trying to keep up. I told a friend of mine, Kathy, (who has tons of great ideas) that she just needs to write them all down because every time we talk she has 10 more! At least it seems that way.
I know God has been working behind the scenes, so I'm not going to say he's "finally" showing himself or coming through for us now, but it is exciting to see how our prayers really have made a difference over the last 2 or so years. People seem so "ripe", so hungry for this kind of ministry direction. It's exciting to dream about what God has in store.

However, I can tell that we are meeting resistance. Not so much from people in the church but from Satan. He is attacking some new christians that I was starting to talk to and minister to. We were going to start a new small group that would allow them to learn the basics of the Christian faith and help them get to know the person of Jesus and his vision for life. However, Satan is attacking their marriages pretty hard. It is hard to see this happen. I still think God could turn things around but one has to be open to it first and they seem pretty closed. So I'm dealing with this right now. I don't quite know how to proceed. One of the drawbacks to immersing our lives in others without putting on a happy mask, being real and vulnerable is that life gets messy. We don't always know what to do. We don't know how to help those that are making "messy" choices.

It's easy to greet someone in the hall at church with a smile and ask how they are doing. They will answer "Fine" or "Good" or something along those lines. We have this exchange enough times each Sunday and we feel we've connected with people. That we've invested in someone. That we've made someone feel welcome. That is CRAP. C.R.A.P. We need to be willing to go to the needy, the hurting, the outcasts and downtrodden of society. Those that are divorcing, homeless, poor, hungry, oppressed and hurting. But that makes for a messy life.
What happens then too, if we actually reach these people? What if they decide to check out our church. Will someone be welcome if they walk in hand in hand with someone of the same sex? Will someone dressed in a Marilyn Manson t-shirt, and black lipstick be welcomed in (without being stared at). What about a man who smells bad that won't stop talking to you. What will we do then? Will we be Jesus to those people? Jesus hung out with the outcasts. He built relationships with them. They liked him so much, they invited him to their parties! Does it sound like he felt the need to point out their sin right away? To tell them what they were doing wrong and needed to change before they were welcome in his presence? Who would invite someone like that to a big ol' party of all their sinner friends? I wouldn't! The fact that the very people that were shown nothing but contempt and disdain by the religious leaders of that day would want to party with Jesus shows us that he LOVED first. He talked to them like they were more than just the sum of their sin. That they were people that God loved and longed to have a relationship with. Jesus saw them as worthy of respect and compassion. He built a relationship built on love and respect first and then showed them that there was a better way of living. He called it the Kingdom of God. God's way of living. Living by the ways of his kingdom instead of the ways of the world around them. And the greatest attribute in God's kingdom is Love. Period.
So as we launch Angel Food and hopefully more ministries in this direction. I hope we think about how we can be a part of the Kingdom of God. How we can be the hands and feet and mouthpiece of Jesus. Love first. Period.

It's October!

And it's come in like a lion! It's been cold and rainy for days now. Ugh, not liking it. Plus I've been outside more lately since the weather's been bad than I was when the weather was beautiful. Why? you ask? I've been helping some friends move the past two days and it's been a tad chilly and a bit wet. Not fun to move in but I guess it beats blisteringly hot. Ive done that too.
Wow, life has been crazy lately. The main thing has been potty training Dani. I never knew how much energy it took! She's been doing really good although I think she's regressed a little bit by being around all the chaos of the moving. She's tried to go now and then but she's mostly gone in her pull up. However, at home she's fine.
Overall, I am sooooo proud of her. She's doing really great! She rarely, if ever, has pee accidents anymore. I have yet to get her to poop in the potty but that'll come. (I hope) Maybe, once things calm down around here, we can work on that.
We are starting a new small group and I'm really excited about it. We've become acquainted with a new couple at church who already know some friends of ours. They are fairly new to the faith and are looking to do some basic studies. I'm going to do the study that Donnie (my pastor brother) does with new believers. I trust his judgement. I'm excited that they are excited to learn more about Jesus! That's great. And I didn't even bring it up, they told me about wanting to learn more and happened to turn to me. I feel a little overwhelmed but excited. I hope God can use me in this.
Well I gotta run, Dani will be up soon. More later.

brushfire??

Yesterday was an interesting day at church. Some of the very issues CJ and I have been praying about for almost 2 years now were testified about after worship. I didn't catch everything that people said but I heard enough and things like "loving people to Jesus, not the church" were central themes to several people's testimonies. I was so excited! With starting this new Angel Food Ministry I hope to talk about these ideas with our volunteers and share a vision that I've had for a long time.
People are starting to get excited about AFM and so am I. I had a lot more volunteers sign up yesterday and we start taking orders this week. I think this is going to be bigger than we had originally thought. I originally had planned on not advertising this until the month of November but I didn't think to tell the congregation that. I've had so many people come up and tell me that they are telling friends and family and their coworkers etc etc. It's going to be interesting. :)
CJ and I were up talking last night after reading together (we are reading a book called "They Love Jesus But Not The Church"-fascinating) and really hope that the attitudes expressed yesterday catch on and spread through our church, much like a brushfire. Hopefully, AFM can play a role in that.

It don't get no better than this

This weekend was full of fun, hard work, but fun all the same. Yesterday was packed full with "Trunk or Treat" preparations. I helped Destiny and a sick Jessie, with getting all the last minute preparations done. I was in charge of all the outside decorations and I thought they looked good. :)
"Trunk or Treat" was a success. A friend of mine said she had 500 pieces of candy and gave out 2 to each kid and she was almost out! The kids enjoyed all the games and we had 15 trunks!!! Not bad for our first year. Look out next year, Jessie's already planning for it. :)
Today was totally different. I didn't have to run around working hard and making sure everything was done and taken care of. I did, however, have a full day. It was Plow Days today at my parents farm. All these farmers from the surrounding areas bring all their antique plows pulled by antique tractors and/or horses. There's food, dirt, and lots of lawn chairs. I took Dani over as soon as I was up and except for her nap time, we were there all day. She ran all around, getting into EVERYTHING but Grammie and PaPa were there to help. Dad walked around with her in his arms a lot today. He is SUCH a proud grandpa! Late in the day she came over to give him a kiss and he turned to one of his farmer friends and said, "It don't get no better than this" Ahhhhh
She'll sleep good tonight.
Please knock on wood for me!!!