Vacation again :) Because we go so often ya know... :)
We are back in Tennessee. Yeah! We've been looking forward to this for months. The last 4 weeks have been sooooooo long. But we are here and relaxing. We are staying with Daniel and Laura Meadow again. It's so good to see them! We are kind of having a stay-cation only in TN. We are just staying in, eating together and hanging out. Laura just had a baby a month ago so we knew this kind of schedule would be good for them too.
So far it's been really uneventful but today Laura and I are going to attempt to go grocery shopping with the kiddos so it could be interesting... More later.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Bullies
May I just say, bullying sucks. I was bullied pretty badly as a child and teenager and I still deal with the consequences. I still hear their voices in my head telling me I'm fat, ugly, stupid, or just not worth common courtesy.
One thing that I've been thinking about lately is how much life changes after high school. Whoever said that it's the best years of our lives was delusional. I see pics/status's on FB and some people have dramatically changed. I am definitely one that is changing. One of the main things I was teased about growing up was my weight. Like, because I was heavy, I didn't have feelings or worth.
Sometimes, I feel like I want to go to those bullies after I've lost the weight and shove it in their faces but I know that wouldn't do any good. Most days, I just want an apology. I want them to admit they were wrong and acknowledge that they hurt me incredibly day in and day out for many years. I want them to tell me it was wrong and they don't make people feel like that anymore. Some days I even want to make them feel like I felt but that usually doesn't last long because I know that no one should be made to feel like I did. No One. Not even the relentless, cruel bullies that pick on the vulnerable ones. Those that make others feel absolutely worthless so they can feel a bit better about themselves.
Bullying is ugly. I've got more to say about this but not tonight. We'll see when it comes out again...
One thing that I've been thinking about lately is how much life changes after high school. Whoever said that it's the best years of our lives was delusional. I see pics/status's on FB and some people have dramatically changed. I am definitely one that is changing. One of the main things I was teased about growing up was my weight. Like, because I was heavy, I didn't have feelings or worth.
Sometimes, I feel like I want to go to those bullies after I've lost the weight and shove it in their faces but I know that wouldn't do any good. Most days, I just want an apology. I want them to admit they were wrong and acknowledge that they hurt me incredibly day in and day out for many years. I want them to tell me it was wrong and they don't make people feel like that anymore. Some days I even want to make them feel like I felt but that usually doesn't last long because I know that no one should be made to feel like I did. No One. Not even the relentless, cruel bullies that pick on the vulnerable ones. Those that make others feel absolutely worthless so they can feel a bit better about themselves.
Bullying is ugly. I've got more to say about this but not tonight. We'll see when it comes out again...
running
All my life I've hated running. I dreaded the mile run every year (several times a year) in gym class and always sucked at it. So why am I running now?
That's right. I'm running as part of my exercise. I'm actually training for a 5k in October! Yesterday I ran 2 miles total. One mile was all in a row. The other mile was split into 2- 1/2 mile stretches. I haven't run a mile since my freshman year of high school and this was much faster. MUCH!
I'm going to tell you something kind of embarrassing... I dream of running and I have for years. Weird huh? I dream of running (pretty) fast and seeing the countryside. I thoroughly enjoy it too.
It's hard to believe that I might someday actually enjoy running. I don't mind it now... but I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it. I hope that by the 12:1 Run in October that I'll enjoy it more. But right now I'm proud of myself for running at all! Can't believe it... after all these years.
That's right. I'm running as part of my exercise. I'm actually training for a 5k in October! Yesterday I ran 2 miles total. One mile was all in a row. The other mile was split into 2- 1/2 mile stretches. I haven't run a mile since my freshman year of high school and this was much faster. MUCH!
I'm going to tell you something kind of embarrassing... I dream of running and I have for years. Weird huh? I dream of running (pretty) fast and seeing the countryside. I thoroughly enjoy it too.
It's hard to believe that I might someday actually enjoy running. I don't mind it now... but I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it. I hope that by the 12:1 Run in October that I'll enjoy it more. But right now I'm proud of myself for running at all! Can't believe it... after all these years.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
7 months later
7 months later...
I am finally getting back to those other changes I promised 7 months ago lol. Actually I don't really remember what other changes I was going to write about back then so I'll talk about the changes that are more recent.
After all the stress mentioned last post, leaving church, my grandmother dying, and losing my job, I was a mess for several months. I had to start working 3 nights a week and still am doing that actually. But with all the stress I put on 10 lbs without even thinking about it. In Febuary I decided this had to stop. I was just starting to diet when I got a call from the Burlington YMCA. They were offering a free 2 week trial. My good friend Ashley had just moved back to the area (love it!!!) and we went together. I ended up taking a discounted rate for 15 months instead of a free 2 weeks and I've been going ever since. I also went to my doctor and she's been great. The best thing she did for me was turn me on the an app called "myfitnesspal". I've been tracking all my food and it really helped me change my eating habits. I've been working out 4-5 days a week and have lost a grand total of...
52 pounds
I still have a long way to go but I feel great. I've not been this weight since I was 19 maybe 20 years old. I'm 3 lbs from the weight I was when I got married and 8 lbs from when I left my freshman year of college. I still need to lose 73 lbs to hit my ideal/healthy weight but I'm on my way. I have a goal of being 8 lbs less when we leave for vacation in 2 weeks but my average weekly weight loss has not been quite that much lately so we'll see. I still feel really good about what I've done so far. The next goal I have after vacation is running a 5k in October. It's the 12:1 run hosted by Harmony Bible Church which is where we are attending now. I feel it combines two passions of mine, providing clean water in the world and fitness goals. It's rare those kind of passions come together so I am thrilled. I have only run 1 mile recently and I am not training as hard as I should but I'm slowly working on it. I have figured out to walk to the highway before I start running and I do better. Running on gravel sucks because I constantly lose my rhythmn when the rocks move under my feet.
So this blog will probably include a lot my fitness stuff since that seems to be what my life revolves around right now. But I'm ok with that. I finally am being a good role model for my daughter and that's extremely important to me. That is a lot of what finally clicked for me. I don't want her to struggle with her weight like I did. I DO NOT want that for her. Bullies are so cruel and it's only gotten worse since I was in school. I admit I fear what bullies could do to her if she is a heavy child. I don't like parenting out of fear but it's something I deal with...
Other things going on right now... Dani starts kindergarten in the fall. I.CAN.NOT.BELIEVE.IT!!!!! She's my one and only. I'll never have a baby, toddler, or preschooler again. I am ok with it but I know I will miss her cuddles and dependance (somewhat) on me. I love watching her grow and change but I know I'll never experience that stage again so it's bittersweet.
She turned 5 on June 15. We had a Princess Tea Party that went over pretty well. The kids didn't quite buy into the concept but still had a lot of fun.
Church is going well. It's an adjustment going to a new church and one that's so big. We are slowly finding friends and our place. Dani still asks about her old class but that doesn't surprise me. She forgets nobody. She asks about people that she met once 2 years ago. Even though she asks about her old friends, she does enjoy her new class. She loved the AWANA class she took last year so she's excited for that to start again in the fall. We have a class we joined shortly after we started attending. It's called Global Life and is all about a the global mindset the gospel demands. We love the concept but have struggled to make relationships outside of the classroom. I think a lot of it is simply time. We came to Burlington First already knowing so many people that we just melted into old relationships. We've never had to go to a completely new place and start from scratch. We do know however, that we are in the right place so we trust relationships will come with time. I have a few ladies that I've gotten to know a little bit and I see some great potential in those friendships. However, in January my good friend Ashley moved back from FL so I've had my need for a friend pretty much met. I know I need to still cultivate other relationships but it certainly slowed my efforts to reach out to other women.
As I mentioned earlier I lost my job at our old church when we left and had to start working at the gas station 3 nights a week. It's worked out that our schedules have worked (for the most part) so we don't have to pay childcare but it's been hard on CJ and I because 3 days a week we literally don't see each other for more than 2-3 minutes. CJ will leave by 5:45am for work and gets off at 4. I clock in at the gas station at 4 so I take Dani and he picks her up from me and takes care of her that evening. I get off at 11(ish) and he's asleep when I get home. It's definatly not ideal but it's what God has provided. I even recently got a promotion to a part-time night manager. It has helped a bit with money but not much. I'm seeking out more responsiblities so I can negociate a bigger raise soon. CJ and I really miss each other through out the week but so far this is the job that God has provided even when we've prayed for something else. We just try to utilize the time we have and enjoy each others company when we're together.
CJ and I are REALLY looking forward to our vacation that's coming up in 2 weeks. We can't afford much but we are going to see our good friends Daniel and Laura Meadow in Erin, TN. We LOVE those two and really miss them! We really have no plans but to hang out and enjoy catching up. Laura recently had a baby so this will work for them too. :) A huge bonus to the vacation is that CJ and I will be together the whole week. We've tried to not let our jobs mess up our marrige and for the most part we've succeeded but we could definetely use the time together to reconnect. Especially after the next couple weeks. I'm having to work 4 days a week since the other managers have been taking their vacations and then they all have the 4 of July holidays they are taking. Since I'm part time I don't get paid vacations so I'm having to fill in when they are gone. It will be good for the checkbook (we took a huge paycut when I lost my job) but bad for family time.
As stressful as our work schedules have been the overall stress levels in our lives has decreased dramatically. It's sad but the stress we were under at our old church was huge. We didn't stay much longer than we felt God wanted, but the stress was still so much! At Harmony we don't feel we have to fight to do the things about which we are passionate. And even though Harmony has Baptist roots (it's nondenominational) we've heard more sermons about Holiness than ever. I love how our Pastor talks about it. It is so in line with what I believe about holiness and it's what I want Dani to learn as well. It's just been great. Not only have we had places to plug in and serve God in ways we're passionate about but we are getting wonderful/challenging preaching. We didn't know if we would get the preaching/teaching aspect when we left the Nazarene church. Honestly we didn't know what to expect but it's been so great to know we didn't lose but actually gained in that area.
Life is vastly different than the last time I blogged. As always I hope to blog again sooner rather than later but I'm done making that promise. :) I have a lot going on certainly but I do genuinely enjoy writing it down, so here's to hoping you can read about it soon :)
I am finally getting back to those other changes I promised 7 months ago lol. Actually I don't really remember what other changes I was going to write about back then so I'll talk about the changes that are more recent.
After all the stress mentioned last post, leaving church, my grandmother dying, and losing my job, I was a mess for several months. I had to start working 3 nights a week and still am doing that actually. But with all the stress I put on 10 lbs without even thinking about it. In Febuary I decided this had to stop. I was just starting to diet when I got a call from the Burlington YMCA. They were offering a free 2 week trial. My good friend Ashley had just moved back to the area (love it!!!) and we went together. I ended up taking a discounted rate for 15 months instead of a free 2 weeks and I've been going ever since. I also went to my doctor and she's been great. The best thing she did for me was turn me on the an app called "myfitnesspal". I've been tracking all my food and it really helped me change my eating habits. I've been working out 4-5 days a week and have lost a grand total of...
52 pounds
I still have a long way to go but I feel great. I've not been this weight since I was 19 maybe 20 years old. I'm 3 lbs from the weight I was when I got married and 8 lbs from when I left my freshman year of college. I still need to lose 73 lbs to hit my ideal/healthy weight but I'm on my way. I have a goal of being 8 lbs less when we leave for vacation in 2 weeks but my average weekly weight loss has not been quite that much lately so we'll see. I still feel really good about what I've done so far. The next goal I have after vacation is running a 5k in October. It's the 12:1 run hosted by Harmony Bible Church which is where we are attending now. I feel it combines two passions of mine, providing clean water in the world and fitness goals. It's rare those kind of passions come together so I am thrilled. I have only run 1 mile recently and I am not training as hard as I should but I'm slowly working on it. I have figured out to walk to the highway before I start running and I do better. Running on gravel sucks because I constantly lose my rhythmn when the rocks move under my feet.
So this blog will probably include a lot my fitness stuff since that seems to be what my life revolves around right now. But I'm ok with that. I finally am being a good role model for my daughter and that's extremely important to me. That is a lot of what finally clicked for me. I don't want her to struggle with her weight like I did. I DO NOT want that for her. Bullies are so cruel and it's only gotten worse since I was in school. I admit I fear what bullies could do to her if she is a heavy child. I don't like parenting out of fear but it's something I deal with...
Other things going on right now... Dani starts kindergarten in the fall. I.CAN.NOT.BELIEVE.IT!!!!! She's my one and only. I'll never have a baby, toddler, or preschooler again. I am ok with it but I know I will miss her cuddles and dependance (somewhat) on me. I love watching her grow and change but I know I'll never experience that stage again so it's bittersweet.
She turned 5 on June 15. We had a Princess Tea Party that went over pretty well. The kids didn't quite buy into the concept but still had a lot of fun.
Church is going well. It's an adjustment going to a new church and one that's so big. We are slowly finding friends and our place. Dani still asks about her old class but that doesn't surprise me. She forgets nobody. She asks about people that she met once 2 years ago. Even though she asks about her old friends, she does enjoy her new class. She loved the AWANA class she took last year so she's excited for that to start again in the fall. We have a class we joined shortly after we started attending. It's called Global Life and is all about a the global mindset the gospel demands. We love the concept but have struggled to make relationships outside of the classroom. I think a lot of it is simply time. We came to Burlington First already knowing so many people that we just melted into old relationships. We've never had to go to a completely new place and start from scratch. We do know however, that we are in the right place so we trust relationships will come with time. I have a few ladies that I've gotten to know a little bit and I see some great potential in those friendships. However, in January my good friend Ashley moved back from FL so I've had my need for a friend pretty much met. I know I need to still cultivate other relationships but it certainly slowed my efforts to reach out to other women.
As I mentioned earlier I lost my job at our old church when we left and had to start working at the gas station 3 nights a week. It's worked out that our schedules have worked (for the most part) so we don't have to pay childcare but it's been hard on CJ and I because 3 days a week we literally don't see each other for more than 2-3 minutes. CJ will leave by 5:45am for work and gets off at 4. I clock in at the gas station at 4 so I take Dani and he picks her up from me and takes care of her that evening. I get off at 11(ish) and he's asleep when I get home. It's definatly not ideal but it's what God has provided. I even recently got a promotion to a part-time night manager. It has helped a bit with money but not much. I'm seeking out more responsiblities so I can negociate a bigger raise soon. CJ and I really miss each other through out the week but so far this is the job that God has provided even when we've prayed for something else. We just try to utilize the time we have and enjoy each others company when we're together.
CJ and I are REALLY looking forward to our vacation that's coming up in 2 weeks. We can't afford much but we are going to see our good friends Daniel and Laura Meadow in Erin, TN. We LOVE those two and really miss them! We really have no plans but to hang out and enjoy catching up. Laura recently had a baby so this will work for them too. :) A huge bonus to the vacation is that CJ and I will be together the whole week. We've tried to not let our jobs mess up our marrige and for the most part we've succeeded but we could definetely use the time together to reconnect. Especially after the next couple weeks. I'm having to work 4 days a week since the other managers have been taking their vacations and then they all have the 4 of July holidays they are taking. Since I'm part time I don't get paid vacations so I'm having to fill in when they are gone. It will be good for the checkbook (we took a huge paycut when I lost my job) but bad for family time.
As stressful as our work schedules have been the overall stress levels in our lives has decreased dramatically. It's sad but the stress we were under at our old church was huge. We didn't stay much longer than we felt God wanted, but the stress was still so much! At Harmony we don't feel we have to fight to do the things about which we are passionate. And even though Harmony has Baptist roots (it's nondenominational) we've heard more sermons about Holiness than ever. I love how our Pastor talks about it. It is so in line with what I believe about holiness and it's what I want Dani to learn as well. It's just been great. Not only have we had places to plug in and serve God in ways we're passionate about but we are getting wonderful/challenging preaching. We didn't know if we would get the preaching/teaching aspect when we left the Nazarene church. Honestly we didn't know what to expect but it's been so great to know we didn't lose but actually gained in that area.
Life is vastly different than the last time I blogged. As always I hope to blog again sooner rather than later but I'm done making that promise. :) I have a lot going on certainly but I do genuinely enjoy writing it down, so here's to hoping you can read about it soon :)
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