Obviously, I've not written in quite a while and I'm not even going to apologize this time :) There has been so much going on in my life that I just could express all my thoughts in words yet. Also, many things I WANTED to write about, just weren't something I want the whole world to read...
First big change, CJ and I have left our home church, Burlington First Church of the Nazarene. And because of that (somewhat because of that at least) I have lost my job as janitor. This decision has been a huge one that has taken a lot of my mental energy I would like to use for other things. (including blogging/journaling) One of the main reasons I've not written about this is because, I'm not going to publicly share the reasons why. There were conflicts and we disagreed with how things were being handled. We had felt God leading us to leave for awhile but my job held us there, so we wouldn't even truly consider it. Then there were the conflicts mentioned earlier and we knew God was "kicking us out". It was clear. It was very sad to leave. I grew up in that church. CJ and I were married there and Dani was dedicated there as well. So many memories...
Three weeks ago, my grandmother died. That, of course, was very hard. I've never lost a grandparent. It sucks. Although, my grandma was 96, sick and so ready to go home to the father of her children (he died before I was born) and her two children who went before her, it still sucked. I found out I'd lost my job one week and the next, she died. I had a very emotional two weeks to say the least. The visitation was extremely hard. I just didn't want to be there. There were very many well-meaning people who came to support me and my family but many of them asked about the church, why we left and if we were ok with it. I just couldn't deal. I didn't want to talk about it, I felt so betrayed and hurt. I just wanted to focus on Grandma. I pretty much avoided most everybody until I left. The funeral was good however. Hard, but good. I only really broke twice. Once when a conversation I had with her in the hospice house was mentioned (I didn't know that was coming) and when my cousin read the Christmas story. I know, I know, why did he read it? Let me explain... Every Christmas my Grandma made us read the Christmas story from Luke before we ever did anything else at our family's get-together. She made one of the 4 pastors/grandsons (depending on who was there) read it from her KJV red letter Bible. Every year we heard it, from the time we were babies. Never skipped it. Many of us cousins were talking at the visitation about how that's one our favorite memories of get-togethers and how we would miss that now that we probably would only see each other at reunions and such. We decided that we had to hear it one last time... I cried through the whole thing. My brother, Donnie, actually did her funeral. I admired him for it. I couldn't have done it. If you want to read a beautiful sermon about a wonderful woman here is a link to his blog where he posted the sermon in full. A few things changed as he read it but the content is pretty much identical.
There are many more things going on but those have been the two biggest changes/events lately. I'll blog more soon about others.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
4th of July
Below is an article Greg Boyd wrote for Relevant magazine. You can find the original link here
I am thankful to live in a country that acknowledges people have rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” and that empowers citizens to influence how they are governed. I know how rare such freedom has been throughout history, and how costly it has been to acquire and protect. I’m also proud of many other ideals America stands for, such as the principle that all people are created equal (though, we’re obviously still in the process of living up to this one). So, I see no problem with an American Christian being patriotic.
At the same time, followers of Jesus need to be very careful. History shows us how easy it is for Christians to forget that the Kingdom Jesus came to establish is “not of this world” (John 18:36, TNIV). And it’s to His Kingdom we are to pledge our sole allegiance.
Throughout history we find Christians buying the age-old pagan lie that God uniquely favors their country, and their national enemies are God’s enemies. Believing that lie, patriotic Christians have tragically followed the orders of earthly rulers and marched into battle “for God and country,” rather than following the example of Jesus—who gave His life for the people who persecuted Him.
Ironically, in some cases the “enemies” Christians have slaughtered have been other patriotic Christians who happened to be born in other countries, or other parts of the same country. Few things have done more to discredit Christianity than the patriotic zeal with which Christians have participated in violence.
“Whoever claims to live in him,” John teaches us, “must live as Jesus did” (1 John 2:6). When we compromise our commitment to living and loving like Jesus, we’ve crossed the line between healthy and idolatrous patriotism. Jesus and Paul repeatedly command us to love, bless, pray for and do good to our enemies, and to never retaliate or resort to violence. It’s healthy to patriotically appreciate the positive aspects of our country and our form of government. But we’re putting that patriotism in front of God the moment our allegiance to our country motivates us to kill our enemies rather than to die for them. And anything in our lives that comes before God is idolatry.
The danger of idolatrous patriotism is not just about how we compromise our love for enemies. If we become too invested in our nation, we can forget our real citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 1:27) and our job is to live as ambassadors of Christ ( 2 Corinthians 5:20). Rather than manifesting the distinctive values of the Kingdom of God, we can begin to assume the ideals of our culture are Kingdom values.
I appreciate that America recognizes my rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” but there is nothing distinctly Kingdom about these rights. They’re nowhere to be found in the Bible. To the contrary, as a follower of Jesus I’m called to surrender my rights to life, liberty and happiness, and instead submit to the will of God. These rights are noble on a political level, but they can get in the way of my call to seek first the Kingdom. I’m grateful America extends these rights to people, for most countries throughout history have not. But my sole allegiance is to the heavenly Kingdom that calls me to surrender my rights. If I get too concerned with an earthly country that frees me to pursue my rights, my healthy patriotism becomes idolatrous. I’ve put my country’s ideals before God.
Along similar lines, history consistently shows when we forget we’re “foreigners” and “exiles” in this world, we can begin to associate our preferred form of government or politics too closely with the Kingdom of God. Here, too, it’s crucial we follow the example of Jesus.
Despite the fact that He lived in an age when plenty of political and nationalistic issues were being hotly debated, Jesus never displayed the slightest interest in such matters. He didn’t come to bring us a “new and improved” version of the Kingdom of the world. He came to inaugurate a Kingdom that is “not of this world.” It’s a Kingdom that is no more Israeli than it is Palestinian; no more American than it is Iraqi; and no more socialist than it is democratic. Instead, it’s a Kingdom that encompasses people from every nation and political persuasion, for it puts on display the “one new humanity” Jesus died to create (Ephesians 2:15). In this Kingdom, Paul declares, there is no longer any Jew or Greek (Galatians 3:27-29). In our Kingdom, all national, tribal, ethnic, gender, social and economic distinctions are insignificant.
So over the Fourth of July weekend—and all year—be appreciative of your country. Be patriotic. But make sure your patriotism pales in comparison to your sacrifice, commitment and allegiance to the Kingdom of God.
I am thankful to live in a country that acknowledges people have rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” and that empowers citizens to influence how they are governed. I know how rare such freedom has been throughout history, and how costly it has been to acquire and protect. I’m also proud of many other ideals America stands for, such as the principle that all people are created equal (though, we’re obviously still in the process of living up to this one). So, I see no problem with an American Christian being patriotic.
At the same time, followers of Jesus need to be very careful. History shows us how easy it is for Christians to forget that the Kingdom Jesus came to establish is “not of this world” (John 18:36, TNIV). And it’s to His Kingdom we are to pledge our sole allegiance.
Throughout history we find Christians buying the age-old pagan lie that God uniquely favors their country, and their national enemies are God’s enemies. Believing that lie, patriotic Christians have tragically followed the orders of earthly rulers and marched into battle “for God and country,” rather than following the example of Jesus—who gave His life for the people who persecuted Him.
Ironically, in some cases the “enemies” Christians have slaughtered have been other patriotic Christians who happened to be born in other countries, or other parts of the same country. Few things have done more to discredit Christianity than the patriotic zeal with which Christians have participated in violence.
“Whoever claims to live in him,” John teaches us, “must live as Jesus did” (1 John 2:6). When we compromise our commitment to living and loving like Jesus, we’ve crossed the line between healthy and idolatrous patriotism. Jesus and Paul repeatedly command us to love, bless, pray for and do good to our enemies, and to never retaliate or resort to violence. It’s healthy to patriotically appreciate the positive aspects of our country and our form of government. But we’re putting that patriotism in front of God the moment our allegiance to our country motivates us to kill our enemies rather than to die for them. And anything in our lives that comes before God is idolatry.
The danger of idolatrous patriotism is not just about how we compromise our love for enemies. If we become too invested in our nation, we can forget our real citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 1:27) and our job is to live as ambassadors of Christ ( 2 Corinthians 5:20). Rather than manifesting the distinctive values of the Kingdom of God, we can begin to assume the ideals of our culture are Kingdom values.
I appreciate that America recognizes my rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” but there is nothing distinctly Kingdom about these rights. They’re nowhere to be found in the Bible. To the contrary, as a follower of Jesus I’m called to surrender my rights to life, liberty and happiness, and instead submit to the will of God. These rights are noble on a political level, but they can get in the way of my call to seek first the Kingdom. I’m grateful America extends these rights to people, for most countries throughout history have not. But my sole allegiance is to the heavenly Kingdom that calls me to surrender my rights. If I get too concerned with an earthly country that frees me to pursue my rights, my healthy patriotism becomes idolatrous. I’ve put my country’s ideals before God.
Along similar lines, history consistently shows when we forget we’re “foreigners” and “exiles” in this world, we can begin to associate our preferred form of government or politics too closely with the Kingdom of God. Here, too, it’s crucial we follow the example of Jesus.
Despite the fact that He lived in an age when plenty of political and nationalistic issues were being hotly debated, Jesus never displayed the slightest interest in such matters. He didn’t come to bring us a “new and improved” version of the Kingdom of the world. He came to inaugurate a Kingdom that is “not of this world.” It’s a Kingdom that is no more Israeli than it is Palestinian; no more American than it is Iraqi; and no more socialist than it is democratic. Instead, it’s a Kingdom that encompasses people from every nation and political persuasion, for it puts on display the “one new humanity” Jesus died to create (Ephesians 2:15). In this Kingdom, Paul declares, there is no longer any Jew or Greek (Galatians 3:27-29). In our Kingdom, all national, tribal, ethnic, gender, social and economic distinctions are insignificant.
So over the Fourth of July weekend—and all year—be appreciative of your country. Be patriotic. But make sure your patriotism pales in comparison to your sacrifice, commitment and allegiance to the Kingdom of God.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Reflective
Honestly, I'm not sure what this blog entry is going to be about... I feel like I want to put my feelings to "paper" but I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm feeling...
I'm thinking about my life, the changes that have happened recently and not-so-recently and where we are headed.
I'm thinking about Dani, my spit-fire of a daughter that is asleep in the next room. I'm thinking about how Dani entering our life changed our future so dramatically. We moved back to Iowa (which we said we'd never do) we worry about money and we depend on my parents more than we ever did as newlyweds. However, we also sometimes just sit and marvel at this incredible human being that is in our lives. We laugh at the cute things she says and does. We feel a love for someone that is even more profound, deep and selfless than we have for each other. We learn about God's love by watching her through our own eyes.
I'm thinking about the love on my life, CJ. This past week I saw a side of him I haven't seen in years. His depression seemed to have lifted (thanks in no small part to an old friend) for a while to allow me to see the man I fell in love with 13 years ago. I saw his heart, sensitivity and kindness that I have missed for a very long time. Don't get me wrong, please. I love him even when I don't always see "the man I fell in love with". Even with his depression firmly in place (which for most that have chronic depression-it usually is) he is a man worthy of respect, love and admiration. I love him more today that I did 13, 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. The depression presents challenges but none that make me question that he is the man I want to wake up next to until the day I just don't wake up. He is faithful, loyal, honest, hardworking, forgiving, talented, and sexy. If the depression is something I have to deal with to be with him, that's ok with me. I'd rather deal with that than some issues I see friends deal with with their husbands or wives. He never gives me a moments hesitation that he is committed to me and our little girl. He never deliberately hurts those he loves and he is quick to say he's sorry for undeliberate hurts. I love him so much.
I'm thinking about our life now. The good and the bad. Our move from Olathe has had many ups and downs. We wouldn't trade our life in Olathe for anything for Dani's sake. She is close to all of her grandparents. She sees them regularly and receives so much love from them. I never had that. I was not close to my grandparents at all and I smile when I see my parents and in-laws love on Dani each time they see her. Moving was the best thing we could have done for Dani. For CJ and me however, it's been difficult. We left many friends, a vibrant and healthy church and a totally different lifestyle. We have yet to feel at home here in many ways.
I'm thinking about the future. Dani starts preschool in the fall-she's growing up so fast. Our views differ greatly from the church we attend and the gap just seems to be widening-will we still be there in 2 years? We still miss our closest friends-will we ever find friends as good as we had in Olathe? Dani's such a spitfire-what will she be like in 2, 10, 15 years? We've decided to avoid the heartache of more years of infertility-will we regret only having one child?
So many feelings running through my heart tonight.
I'm thinking about my life, the changes that have happened recently and not-so-recently and where we are headed.
I'm thinking about Dani, my spit-fire of a daughter that is asleep in the next room. I'm thinking about how Dani entering our life changed our future so dramatically. We moved back to Iowa (which we said we'd never do) we worry about money and we depend on my parents more than we ever did as newlyweds. However, we also sometimes just sit and marvel at this incredible human being that is in our lives. We laugh at the cute things she says and does. We feel a love for someone that is even more profound, deep and selfless than we have for each other. We learn about God's love by watching her through our own eyes.
I'm thinking about the love on my life, CJ. This past week I saw a side of him I haven't seen in years. His depression seemed to have lifted (thanks in no small part to an old friend) for a while to allow me to see the man I fell in love with 13 years ago. I saw his heart, sensitivity and kindness that I have missed for a very long time. Don't get me wrong, please. I love him even when I don't always see "the man I fell in love with". Even with his depression firmly in place (which for most that have chronic depression-it usually is) he is a man worthy of respect, love and admiration. I love him more today that I did 13, 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. The depression presents challenges but none that make me question that he is the man I want to wake up next to until the day I just don't wake up. He is faithful, loyal, honest, hardworking, forgiving, talented, and sexy. If the depression is something I have to deal with to be with him, that's ok with me. I'd rather deal with that than some issues I see friends deal with with their husbands or wives. He never gives me a moments hesitation that he is committed to me and our little girl. He never deliberately hurts those he loves and he is quick to say he's sorry for undeliberate hurts. I love him so much.
I'm thinking about our life now. The good and the bad. Our move from Olathe has had many ups and downs. We wouldn't trade our life in Olathe for anything for Dani's sake. She is close to all of her grandparents. She sees them regularly and receives so much love from them. I never had that. I was not close to my grandparents at all and I smile when I see my parents and in-laws love on Dani each time they see her. Moving was the best thing we could have done for Dani. For CJ and me however, it's been difficult. We left many friends, a vibrant and healthy church and a totally different lifestyle. We have yet to feel at home here in many ways.
I'm thinking about the future. Dani starts preschool in the fall-she's growing up so fast. Our views differ greatly from the church we attend and the gap just seems to be widening-will we still be there in 2 years? We still miss our closest friends-will we ever find friends as good as we had in Olathe? Dani's such a spitfire-what will she be like in 2, 10, 15 years? We've decided to avoid the heartache of more years of infertility-will we regret only having one child?
So many feelings running through my heart tonight.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Vacation
WE ARE IN TENNESSEE!
We are visiting our friends Daniel and Laura Meadow outside Nashville, TN. Yesterday CJ, Dani and I visited the Nashville Zoo.
It was flippin' HOT! It was about 100 degrees and humid but we still had fun :) I'll hopefully blog more but right now I just wanted to add some pics.
We are visiting our friends Daniel and Laura Meadow outside Nashville, TN. Yesterday CJ, Dani and I visited the Nashville Zoo.
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| We got a great show at the Elephant area. |
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| You can't see it really well but there was a huge elephant right behind us! |
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| Me and Dani at the giraffes |
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| Riding the "train" |
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| The Carousel was her reward for being good that day |
Friday, June 17, 2011
11 Year Anniversary
I was 19. CJ had just turned 23 four days before. We were best friends turned friends in love and had spent the last 18 months planning our perfect wedding. We invited all our friends and family and had 300 guests. I spent the morning getting ready at the church, along with my mom and bridesmaids. I was relaxed and confident that the day was going to perfect. It was.
At 11am, CJ and I saw each other for the first time in the sanctuary as I walked down the isle alone to where he was standing on stage. I know people were peeking through the windows in the back but it was a private moment between my soon-to-be husband and his bride. Pictures (millions of them) would start in 15 minutes but we were in our own little world. I don't remember what we talked about but I remember how ridiculously happy I was the whole time. Our photographer discreetly took some pictures before she gave us our privacy and both of us are beaming at each other. My favorite wedding picture is from this time.
Fast forward through pictures and lunch and it's 2pm--time for the ceremony. We had tons of music; 5 songs plus the processional and recessional music. The ceremony was just over an hour but I thought it passed in minutes. 5 songs leave a lot of time to just stand there but those times were my favorite parts of the ceremony. Of course, I loved to say our vows and hear the words passed down from generation to generation but during the songs we just talked. People told us later how they thought we'd never shut up! I didn't care! We were having a ball! On our video I love seeing us laugh and joke with each other. I looked like I slept with a hanger in my mouth my smile was so big, lol. I DO remember some of what we said, but not most of it. But again, I remember how ridiculously happy I was through the whole ceremony. I cried (everybody cried) during my "Daddy" song but never again the ceremony. (CJ cried more than I did :)) I was too stinkin' happy!
On June 17, 2000 I married my best friend. I love him more today, 11 years later. We've weathered many ups and downs but we've come out on the other side stronger and more committed. Love you C. With all my heart.
At 11am, CJ and I saw each other for the first time in the sanctuary as I walked down the isle alone to where he was standing on stage. I know people were peeking through the windows in the back but it was a private moment between my soon-to-be husband and his bride. Pictures (millions of them) would start in 15 minutes but we were in our own little world. I don't remember what we talked about but I remember how ridiculously happy I was the whole time. Our photographer discreetly took some pictures before she gave us our privacy and both of us are beaming at each other. My favorite wedding picture is from this time.
Fast forward through pictures and lunch and it's 2pm--time for the ceremony. We had tons of music; 5 songs plus the processional and recessional music. The ceremony was just over an hour but I thought it passed in minutes. 5 songs leave a lot of time to just stand there but those times were my favorite parts of the ceremony. Of course, I loved to say our vows and hear the words passed down from generation to generation but during the songs we just talked. People told us later how they thought we'd never shut up! I didn't care! We were having a ball! On our video I love seeing us laugh and joke with each other. I looked like I slept with a hanger in my mouth my smile was so big, lol. I DO remember some of what we said, but not most of it. But again, I remember how ridiculously happy I was through the whole ceremony. I cried (everybody cried) during my "Daddy" song but never again the ceremony. (CJ cried more than I did :)) I was too stinkin' happy!
On June 17, 2000 I married my best friend. I love him more today, 11 years later. We've weathered many ups and downs but we've come out on the other side stronger and more committed. Love you C. With all my heart.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A needed break
Well, it's been a while. A long while. But a much needed break. If you read back a couple entries, you know I had a lot going on in my life. Lots of drama, and I don't do drama well. My "blog mind" kinda shut down. Every time I'd think about blogging I'd clam up so I figured I needed to stop for awhile.
Lately, I've been wanting to write again, so here I am.
Life is hectic but full right now. This week is full of special days. Saturday was Dani's birthday party, Monday was CJ's birthday, Wednesday is Dani's actual birthday, Friday is our 11th wedding anniversary AND we leave for vacation in TN. Busy, busy week (we will also celebrate fathers day on the next Sunday). I'm a little frantic but loving it. Our good friends Ben and Josie have made it a little easier for me by keeping Dani yesterday night and all day today. I'm actually going to leave as soon as I'm done here to go get her. CJ and I were able to go out last night to celebrate his 34th birthday and today I worked on laundry and packing for vacation. So thanks Ben and Josie!!!
Vacation is almost here and we are READY!!! We are going to visit some good friends (that we miss dreadfully) that live outside Nashville. Daniel and Laura Meadow were our closest friends when we lived in KC. Then they moved :( We miss them a lot, did I say that already? We unfortunately are not as close now as we were then but we know they are there when we need them or vice versa. They are some of the few people we call when we have a huge problem and luckily we've been able to return the favor a few times. Love, love, love them! Can't wait to see them again!
My other good friend, Ashley Vance has moved to Florida. Stinkin' Florida! Soooooo far away and I miss her dearly. I saw her a lot when they lived in MN (she visited a lot) and then she actually lived here in Burlington for 2 months before she moved to FL. I got spoiled let me tell ya. I miss her laugh, funny faces and sarcastic, irreverent sense of humor. I love that girl and hate that I can't jump on a plane this very instant to give her a hug. I know we will stay close ( I call her all the time :)) but it's just not the same.
Dani is doing well. She is finally POTTY TRAINED!!!!!! I don't know if I blogged previously about the fact that she finally decided it was time or not. But my little girl finally figured that she wasn't going to fight that battle anymore and she gave in! Yeah! I don't miss diapers in the least! She's going to turn 4 tomorrow and I can't believe it. AND she's going to start preschool in the fall. This should not be. I love her more each day and can't believe my baby is going to be going to school. She's so cute but sassy. Her attitude is our battle now. Not really arrogant or whatever, but just defiant when she doesn't want to do something. Telling me that she's not going to do something I asked her to do, things like that. But I guess that's normal. :)
I have a lot more in my head but they will all take their own blog posts so I'm going to close for now. Later!
Lately, I've been wanting to write again, so here I am.
Life is hectic but full right now. This week is full of special days. Saturday was Dani's birthday party, Monday was CJ's birthday, Wednesday is Dani's actual birthday, Friday is our 11th wedding anniversary AND we leave for vacation in TN. Busy, busy week (we will also celebrate fathers day on the next Sunday). I'm a little frantic but loving it. Our good friends Ben and Josie have made it a little easier for me by keeping Dani yesterday night and all day today. I'm actually going to leave as soon as I'm done here to go get her. CJ and I were able to go out last night to celebrate his 34th birthday and today I worked on laundry and packing for vacation. So thanks Ben and Josie!!!
Vacation is almost here and we are READY!!! We are going to visit some good friends (that we miss dreadfully) that live outside Nashville. Daniel and Laura Meadow were our closest friends when we lived in KC. Then they moved :( We miss them a lot, did I say that already? We unfortunately are not as close now as we were then but we know they are there when we need them or vice versa. They are some of the few people we call when we have a huge problem and luckily we've been able to return the favor a few times. Love, love, love them! Can't wait to see them again!
My other good friend, Ashley Vance has moved to Florida. Stinkin' Florida! Soooooo far away and I miss her dearly. I saw her a lot when they lived in MN (she visited a lot) and then she actually lived here in Burlington for 2 months before she moved to FL. I got spoiled let me tell ya. I miss her laugh, funny faces and sarcastic, irreverent sense of humor. I love that girl and hate that I can't jump on a plane this very instant to give her a hug. I know we will stay close ( I call her all the time :)) but it's just not the same.
Dani is doing well. She is finally POTTY TRAINED!!!!!! I don't know if I blogged previously about the fact that she finally decided it was time or not. But my little girl finally figured that she wasn't going to fight that battle anymore and she gave in! Yeah! I don't miss diapers in the least! She's going to turn 4 tomorrow and I can't believe it. AND she's going to start preschool in the fall. This should not be. I love her more each day and can't believe my baby is going to be going to school. She's so cute but sassy. Her attitude is our battle now. Not really arrogant or whatever, but just defiant when she doesn't want to do something. Telling me that she's not going to do something I asked her to do, things like that. But I guess that's normal. :)
I have a lot more in my head but they will all take their own blog posts so I'm going to close for now. Later!
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