I just got done talking to a friend of mine who is struggling with the desire to have a baby at the wrong time. Every time I hear of someone wanting to have a baby and can't reminds me of 5 years of my life. CJ and I wanted a baby so badly for 5 years and couldn't make it happen. Everything we tried failed both financially and physically. Some times we were physically unable to conceive, sometimes financially not prepared. Both ways were difficult to deal with.
One thing I've learned through the process is that when God doesn't answer right away and seems to be "holding out" on you, he's not. He has plans that are for our good. He doesn't hold out to be cruel or even just because he can. God's goodness is beyond our comprehension. He IS good and that applies to all our circumstances. Even the hard to understand ones. God doesn't hold out on us, he holds on to us though our pain and struggle. He holds on to guide us through to the other side.
I once heard it said "The enemy of the best is the good." Having a baby on our schedule is a good thing. Having a baby on God's schedule is the best. Sometimes we jump the gun and take matters into our own hands if at all possible. Usually there is a mess to clean up. And in the matters of children, they are usually the ones to deal with the mess of our lives.
If I had conceived Dani on MY timetable she'd have had to deal with a very selfish, self-centered, immature mother who needed to grow up. I am a vastly different person than what I was 7 years ago when we first started trying to have a baby. Dani is reaping the benefits of God's patience. So is our marriage. I don't think CJ and I would still be married if we'd have had to deal with some of our struggles, complicated by the stress of children. That, or our children would be living in a tense, unloving environment. Thank God he held on to me in my pain of infertility until he was ready to pour out blessings on CJ and I and also Dani. Our marriage is strong, our parenting is mature and Dani has parents who love her deeply.
God isn't holding out, he's holding on.
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I'm right there! It's been three years already since Darrin and I started trying for number two. Everything worked out so easily with Kris, which makes it even more painful to deal with now. Thank God I have amazing people in my life who help to remind me that God's timing is perfect, and that He never lets go. It's a daily struggle, as I am sure you know, but it will all be worth it when God's perfect plan is fulfilled.
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