hypocritical politics

Yesterday I joined a group on facebook called "Christians for Obama" Today I was looking at my profile and saw that someone had commented on that fact. They said they thought it was hypocritical as a Christian to vote for someone who was for abortion and homosexual rights.
Now first of all, I am not judging this person. He is an older teen in my church and 9 years ago, I was him. So I can no sooner judge him than judge myself. I understand why he believes what he does and why. However, I wholeheartedly disagree.
What I believe is hypocritical, is calling yourself a christian and then doing the exact opposite of what Jesus did while on earth. He deliberately avoided legislating morality. He was challenged all the time on questions that were highly important to the "moral" people of his day. They would be parallel in importance that Christians today give to homosexual rights and abortion. He refused to debate on that level. He always turned the conversation around to talk about what his Father thought was really important. He would talk about loving those who believed different than you, serving those less fortunate, feeding the poor, caring for the sick and so on. He said the world would know who we were by how we love not by how we vote. I am voting for Obama because he has a heart for those that Jesus spoke about, he has good ideas to help them, and they are a priority for him. McCain seems to have other priorities that I don't agree with. The war is a big one. I find it ironic (and hypocritical) that those that most vehemently oppose abortion generally approve of war. (Iraq in particular) Innocent lives are lost everyday in war. How is that different? If we call ourselves pro life we must truly be for life in all ways. Anti-abortion, anti-death penalty, and anti-war. I am pro-life. But the two issues I think can actually be changed in politics right now are not going to be changed with McCain in office. I like Obama's views on reducing abortions. I think that needs to happen before Roe V Wade is overturned. Think about it. What would happen in this country if it was overturned tomorrow. We would have the same number of pregnancies and instead of abortions we would have abandoned, drug addicted, or simply unwanted children. What kind of "life" are we giving those children? I'm not saying this makes it ok to kill them but let's focus on what we can change. Roe V Wade isn't going to get overturned tomorrow but we can love a poor, unwed mother who is struggling with a decision. We could consider adopting a child who's mother made the right decision and gave them up for adoption but no one wants them anymore because they have problems from growing up in an orphanage.
What is more Christian? Protesting outside an abortion clinic or volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center? Protesting at the gay pride parade or befriending a gay person on your block and loving them unconditionally? Which will change the heart of those we are trying to reach? Homosexuality will not go away if we outlaw homosexual unions. People will simply continue living a homosexual lifestyle (that is more turned off to God's message of love by the evangelical right's outright hatred) but they will experience heartaches of not being able to have rights to their loved ones in times of crisis like heterosexuals do. We will simply make hard time worse.
If Christians want to make a statement about the sanctity of marriage then we need to stop getting divorced at the same rate of non-Christians. What's "sacred" about that? When we start doing that, then we might have a platform to start talking about marriage being sacred.
Bottom line is, true change starts within. The only thing that can change the heart is Jesus' love. The only way to show that love is to simply love with no agenda.

closing at work

Tonight was my second night at my new job and the first night I closed. I'm going to close every Thursday night. I found out tonight I will only have one more night of training and then I'll be closing on my own. That would be all well and good if I had a good trainer. I'm am a little scared if next time goes like this time. By the end of the night, the manager was just doing things herself and not showing me what she was doing. Most of the closing duties I didn't even see her do. It was very frustrating. I understand it's midnight and she wants to get out but I have to do this by myself very soon and I hate not feeling like I know what I'm doing.
However, it's not all her fault. There is no training system in place. There's no instructions (written) it's all verbal. So, if I don't remember all her instructions I have nothing to refer to. That is not good!!!!
So I'm more than a little nervous for next week...

proud of me

I heard the words I used to long to hear as I was growing up, "I'm proud of you" from my dad yesterday. Growing up, I was interested in things my dad could have cared less about and personality-wise we are polar opposites. Needless to say, we weren't close. I was the rebel child where as my brother knew he wanted to be a preacher at 15 and was very easy to be proud of. I rarely, if ever, heard that he was proud of me.
I had just led a choir practice at church yesterday afternoon and as we were walking out Dad put his arm on my back and said I had done a good job and he was proud of me. He said I reminded him of himself when he had led choir. I know he's really trying and I have forgiven him for his shortcomings when I was growing up, but those words still touch that little girl in me that used to long to hear those words. It felt good to hear.

working girl

Well, I'm officially a working girl again. Yesterday I got hired at Hy-Vee for two nights a week a 6 and a 8 hr shift. It doesn't pay much but it's more than I'm making now. (nothing) We are trying really hard to save and pay down debt. We are going through Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey again and we want to get back on track.
Years ago before CJ started his Farmers business we had been working on the debt snowball (paying off debt quickly) but once we started the business that all went down the drain. Since then, we've had to deal with some pretty messy finances and the expense of our new baby. Since we moved here I've not been working because my job that was lined up didn't work out. We've been able to pay our bills (most months)but that's it. However, having one of us home with Dani all the time is a very high priority in our book so we've made due. Well, we have been able to work it out with HyVee that I'm going to go in at 4 and CJ is getting off at 4 so I'll be able to hand Dani off to CJ in the parking lot.
In the words of Dave...we're getting "gazelle intense!!!"

my limit

Yesterday was a bad day! In fact this whole week has been awful. The thing that I admire most about CJ's work ethic (how he will do what needs to be done and work hard until it's finished) has caused me to be alone with a sick, cranky baby most of the week. He has a big project at work that will be finished this weekend. I knew this week was coming for awhile but I did not know that Dani would be cranky and clingy the whole time.
Yesterday, CJ was supposed to be off at 1 and didn't get off until 5. During the day, I never got a break from Dani. The first nap she took, I ended up falling asleep so I never got the chance to just relax, recoup, and get ready for the next go 'round. The second nap she took as soon as she was down I went to town to get my hair cut and she was awake before I got back. I know that doesn't sound like much to you guys that are reading this, but before you write me off as dramatic let me tell you something. I NEED those times. If I don't get a chance to relax during naps, I am not nearly as good a mom as I need to be, especially to a sick child. Having someone demand your attention every minute they are awake is the most draining thing I've ever experienced. I can handle it if I get a break. If not, I will hit a wall very quickly. Well, I hit one last night. Luckily, we were able to find someone to watch Dani for us, so CJ and I went to dinner and walked around the mall a bit. It wasn't as much as I wanted but it was enough to hopefully get me through the rest of the week until CJ can be home more regularly, and hopefully, Dani will start feeling better.
If I can handle next week ok, with CJ being home in the evenings and Dani (hopefully) feeling better than I will get the recoup I need next weekend. My mother-in-law left a message with CJ saying they can take Dani next weekend on Saturday and Sunday!!
I love my daughter so much it hurts sometimes but I am not one of those moms who wants to be with her kids 24/7. I need a break. A time to replenish myself so I can be the best mom I can be. I used to feel guilty about that, but I have quit worrying about it. I am who I am and that's ok. If other moms can do it, that's great but I refuse to think I am any less of a great mom than them anymore! (Sometimes I wish this my type of personality was portrayed more in parenting magazines and other types of media more often. Surely, I'm not the only one with this personality)

friendships

Sometimes I wonder if our social lives will ever be the same. For CJ especially. If there is one thing I regret about our move, it's CJ's lack of friends here. CJ is an extrovert even though he's not really outgoing. Meaning, he gets energy and feels better if he spends time with people. Me, I'm an introvert and do just fine without being around people all the time although I am social and need regular interaction. CJ's best friend Daniel had moved from KC by the time we left but he still had several other close friendships that gave him an outlet outside the home that he needs. He doesn't have that here and it makes me sad. Also, we don't have the close "couple" friends that we had there. We had several couples that we would have over late to play cards, watch movies or just hang out. Most of these couples were close enough that we spent most Thanksgivings and other holidays together.
I miss my close friends Ashley and Rebecca. Both held special places in my life. Ashley was more the "classic" best friend, if there is such a thing. We could talk about anything and did. He knew each other since we were little kids and that history just seemed to make us closer. I am not going to go on and on cuz I don't want to cry so I'll move on. Rebecca was such a different person but in such a remarkable way. She looked at the world from such a point of view that I never did and she helped me when I really needed it. We didn't spend as much time together as Ashley and me but there was something incredibly special about our friendship that I know I'll never find again.
CJ and I both don't make friends easy so this has not been easy. I just hope God has something/someone for us both.

my dream

Have you ever had a dream when you were half awake and half asleep? I did yesterday. But because I was half awake, my body was aware and my senses thought I was totally awake. So my brain dreamed something and my senses thought it was actually happening. Not a great start. What I remember is... CJ was driving and I was sitting in the passenger seat. Our friend Ben was in the back and Dani was in the car seat. We were going somewhere and all of a sudden came across a flooded road. It was a familiar road to us and I knew there were deep dips in the road coming up where the water covered it. We were in a hurry and now we were going to have to turn around. All of a sudden I feel CJ gun it and I heard myself scream "CJ! No!" (I wonder if I actually said it in my sleep. I've done that before and I felt like I actually said it when I woke up) I squeezed my eyes shut and the next few events I felt rather than saw... We hit the water and I immediately felt the resistance. Then the water went deep and our wheels were no longer on the pavement. Then I felt the van's front come up and we flipped over so the wheels were on top. I felt myself reach over to open the window, wondering if that was the right thing to do and then realized I couldn't let the car flood until I had Dani out of her car seat! I was in a huge panic when I opened my eyes and realized it was a dream. But it felt so real! All that adrenaline was coursing through my veins and my heart was beating fast. I hate those kind of experiences! Don't you?

9/11

We can all remember where we were 7 years ago today. I can see it like it was yesterday. I will watch coverage today and remember like everyone else in this country.
However, I don't want to mourn, I want to celebrate today! This is the 10 year anniversary of CJ and I finally getting together for the final time. We'd been off and on for 2 years prior but on Sept 11, 1998, he kissed me and I knew this was it, for real.
What was different this time? We had spent the prior 6 months becoming best friends. I was actually seriously dating someone else and I wasn't going to cheat and had no desire to do so. I never thought CJ and I would be more than friends again. However, my relationship fell apart but my friendship with CJ remained strong.
CJ was over watching a movie with me that night (Sept 11) and for some reason he kissed me in the middle of it. It was magical. I felt so connected to him, like I'd never felt connected before. It was right and I knew it. Over the next month we waited. We didn't want to rush anything but by October, we knew this was it! We've never looked back and I've never regretted it. I fell in love with my best friend and there's nothing that compares to that.

Fall

Ahhhhh, cool weather, turning leaves, pumpkin patches, hay rides, Halloween. I love fall! I'm already finding myself watching the trees as a drive through the countryside to see if they're turning yet. I know they turn earlier here than they did in KC but I can't remember how much earlier so I'm not taking any chances. At the Rodeo Parade last Saturday, I got handed a flier talking about a Pumpkin patch. I've actually been wondering where one is around here cuz I can't wait to take Dani soon. I took Dani last year but she was just too small to appreciate it. This year she'll be able to walk around and maybe even point to a pumpkin, which we will interpret as her pick. :)
Yeah, I know winter is coming but I just try not to think about that. Fall seems to be here a bit early and I'm going to revel in it while I can.

moments

I have a sign on my wall that says "Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away". I know it's a little cheesy but today it feels true.
Dani can be really tough sometimes now that she's more independent. She is so independent that she fights me all day, every day, every week. It's rare to find a time that she isn't trying to do something herself or frustrated by those things she can't. I know independence can be a good trait to use later in life but for a toddler who is still learning boundaries, it's wearing on the mother.
But God seems to know when I need a "breath-taking" moment. I knew Dani was completely out so I peeked in on her during her nap just a minute ago. I love to see her sleeping cuz she always ends up in a different position and each one is adorable. Usually it's on her side or stomach but today she was facing the door, completely sprawled out on her back. Bear was right by her face and her arm was behind her head. There is no way I'm going to be able to describe to you how love seems to course through my being when I see her sleeping. But it's so strong it always, without fail, makes me cry. It's enough to keep me strong when I should be completely worn out.
Thank you God for the moments that keep me going when the going is tough.

this weekend

Wow. What a busy, yet fun, weekend! I've really been confirmed of why we moved here over the last couple days.
We went to the Rodeo parade on Saturday. We met my mother-in-law and my parents both came. We also had some friends there as well. Dani had a good time seeing all of them. She loves being the center of attention! She actually didn't like the parade like I thought she would. I think it was just too overwhelming to her. But, she had plenty of people there to comfort her and distract her.
Yesterday was Grandparents Day. We had my in-laws up for lunch after church and Dani had a ball. She loves when they come to see us. (her) They are great grandparents and simply dote on her. They stayed for a good 4 hours and Dani didn't want them to leave. But as soon as they left we took her to see her other set of grandparents. That certainly wouldn't have happened in KC! There are a lot of things I've missed since we've moved but Dani has gained so much being near her grandparents. No one but CJ and I love her as much as these dear people.

Dani and poop

OMG! The most disgusting thing just happened today! I had Dani in time-out in her pack-and-play which happens to be right next to her diaper pail. The pail was full and a diaper must have been sitting on top. Long story short, I got up to get her out and found her sitting with a poopy diaper in her lap. It was everywhere! She'd smashed it in her hands it was on her face and in her hair. It was so nasty. I gasped her name pretty loudly and scared her. So the whole time I'm trying to clean her up she's crying and once tried to put her hand in her mouth. I grabbed it and scared her again so she cried even more. The smell was so gross I about threw up. Of course I gave her a bath right away but I still had to clean up the pack and play which was, of course, covered in poop too. Oh my word, I hope this is the last incident with poop ever, ever, ever!!!!

Rebellion

Does anybody else believe there is good rebellion? I personally think the world would be much better off if more people rebelled. There are a lot of things in this world that aren't working but also aren't being changed. The political system, social security, credit cards, and a lot of things in churches. Why does it take planting a new church for a church to be a comfortable place for new comers? Why can't pastors and lay people learn new ways of doing things in order to reach the lost? Isn't that the main goal of a church? Paul said he would do whatever it took to reach the lost or be whoever he needed to be to reach those different from him. I'm sure people he was writing to didn't just skim over those words like we do. That was scandalous! Especially to Jews, the elitists! They were God's chosen people and compromise of Jewish "integrity" was not taken lightly! For those who weren't Jewish, those words would have shown a whole new side of Paul. Someone who did things differently. Someone who cared enough to meet them where they were. Someone who could relate to them in a way they felt comfortable. Someone who didn't care about "tradition" and making the "elite" comfortable. He knew his calling and did whatever it took to show them Jesus' love.
That is what we are supposed to be like! Not all of us are going to become traveling evangelists or great writers or martyrs. But we all need to learn where people are, what they believe, what they struggle with and meet them as they are.
Why do we insist on the same ol', same ol'? Same church services, same dress code...let me stop right there. I hear the argument a lot that dressing up for church shows God we care and revere him when we come to church. Who taught us that lie? God has never cared about our outward appearance! The greatest preacher ever (besides Jesus) wore skins for clothes. John the baptist dressed down even by his own cultures standards. Some of the best dressed people in church are the least caring people I know. They do not imitate Jesus anymore than the one dressed in jeans and a t-shirt because of what they wear. Why do we think the verse that says God doesn't look at the outward appearances but he cares about our heart doesn't apply to church? Since when does a skirt (or suit and/or tie) say how much we love Jesus?
Anyway, sorry about my little tangent there. We are to meet people where they are. How can we do that if we aren't in touch with what they watch, where they go, what they believe, or how they feel about things in their world? Yet the church tells us to avoid places "sinners" go, abhor non-christian music and television, (by the way, "christian" tv is my least favorite ever!) and a 1,2,3, formula for "saving" someone is the only way taught to us of how the lead someone into a relationship with Jesus. Maybe we should rebel against the "traditions" that are only in place for the church goers and start a new ones that will attract unchurched families. It's not about us Church! It's about them! Now we need to act like it.

Fantasy Football

Yesterday we had some friends out for grilling and football. Does it get any more "Labor Day" than that? After stuffing ourselves with brats and hot dogs we turned on the football and started our own Fantasy Football League. We got to draft 20 players. We also got to learn how absolutely clueless I am. I like football. I follow my teams somewhat and I love going to live games. The atmosphere at a football game is better than any sport! However, I know like, 3 players total and I got last pick so I only got 1 player that I was familiar with. Towards the end I just started asking CJ to tell me who to pick. He was a good sport and did it. I just hope he didn't screw me. :) So we'll see how my team does this fall. With my beginners luck I'll probably blow everyone away! Go Rachel!!!