as a mother

I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing sometimes as a mother. Right now I am sitting here trying to ignore my daughter as she is screaming at the top of her lungs in her crib. I made the mistake of going in and picking up her bear off the floor because she was having a terrible time going to sleep. She would nod off but then cry out because he wasn't with her. So I thought... "If I can just get in there and hand him to her she'll probably go right out" Um, no! She's been screaming ever since because I didn't get her out.
I make decisions everyday for Dani and CJ usually leaves most of them to me since I'm with her everyday, all day. Should we switch to milk now? How much mixed with formula? How fast do we replace the formula until it's all milk. What will she wear today? Does she need a bath today? Does she have an ear infection or is it just teething? Should we take her to the doctor or just wait another day? Is she ready for a nap? Why is she crying in her crib? Should go in or should we wait a bit and see if she goes to sleep? Why is she rejecting the food I'm giving her while signing she's wanting to eat? What should I feed her instead? Is she getting the right nutrition? Can she eat this size of bite or is it too big? and on and on and on. I seem to always the the decision maker whenever there is a question concerning Dani. I know, I know, I am with her all day and therefore probably know the answer better than anyone else but sometimes I get tired of always being responsible for someone else's well being. Why? Because usually I don't know more than anyone else! I'm just guessing too and if I make the wrong decision then everyone has to live with the consequences, including the innocent victim here, Dani. I know now why parents always feel guilty if their kids don't turn out "right". Because everyday the parents have probably felt like they've made wrong decisions and now those kids are "proving" them right.
Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and husband!! I love them so much some days it hurts. But when I hear women gush about how they love being a mom and it is the best thing they've ever done and how they wouldn't change it for the world, I wonder if I'm the only one who feels completely inadequate and tired out by it all. Caring for a husband and child everyday of your life is hard! I know that CJ is not another child to care for and he doesn't make me to feel that way (most of the time) but he needs love and care just like I do. The difference is he hasn't been already doing that all day when he gets home. I know, I know, he's been working all day but that's usually a physical tiredness. What I'm talking about is a emotional exhaustion. Like, you have nothing more to give, you're just waiting for Saturday so maybe Mom can take Dani for a couple hours and then you find out she can't so you get no break and you have no idea when you're going to be able rejuvinate but you continue to love your family like they need. So you run on empty for days, just doing the best you can. Then you make stupid decisions like going in a picking up the darn bear. Let me tell ya, listening to your daughter cry for you is the most draining thing ever. But when you're rung dry, what's left anyway?